Perfect |l.s.|

You Better

this chapter's song: it'll be fine (jacob cook)

also sorry i keep changed the povs and stuff but yes enjoy xx

~~~

After the good news, I disappeared.

Obviously I'm not being literal. But I did panic and have a breakdown and hide in my house for 3 days. I didn't see any of my friends over that time span, and I didn't see Louis.

I don't think it was because of Louis. I don't think it was because we were going to get to perform. I honestly don't have a viable explanation.

But when I realized we only had 2 days to be fully prepared for the performance, I sighed, took a shower, and went to Liam's, where we would be meeting.

Louis answered the door. We locked eyes, he scowled, and turned away. I felt my stomach drop.

"Harry! Mate! Where in hell were you?"

I shuffled my feet, suddenly overcome with embarrassment.

"I lost track of time."

"You missed school for three days. You missed our meetings. Mate, we have our first performance in, like, two days, and you 'lost track of time'?"

"Yes."

Niall rolled his eyes. Louis was curled up on the edge of the couch, beside Liam and Zayn, who, yet again, were practically stuck to each other's sides.

"I'm sorry," I said, my tone flat, even though I meant it.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"You don't sound very sorry."

"I am. Really."

Now Louis and Niall were scowling at me. I ran my hands through my hair. This was not working.

I turned to Louis.

"Are you mad at me, too?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"God, Harry, stop it." So I did. But that didn't stop my heart from shattering into a million pieces.

We practiced, the air thick between me and the others, but we got the job done and prepared to meet again tomorrow for the last practice before the performance. We would do a cover of a Bruno Mars song and then play our song.

Louis avoided my eyes the whole time. When we were leaving, he just grabbed his stuff and walked out the door. I panicked and ran after him.

"Louis!"

No response.

"Louis!"

Nothing.

"Louis, good lord, please just slow down."

He stopped abruptly, and I almost ran into him. "What do you want?"

"Please just tell me what I did wrong."

His eyes narrowed. "What you did wrong?"

"Yes, Lou, please."

"Don't call me that."

I felt pathetic.

"You should know what you did wrong."

"But I don't. I really don't. Please tell me. I don't want to do it again."

He took a deep breath. "We have this date on a romantic hill with sandwiches and everything, I feel like you might actually really like me like you said, but we share this movie star kiss and suddenly you've up and left."

I didn't realize I had been holding my breath until then. I exhaled and rubbed my eyes with my hand.

"It's not like that, Lou, I really do really like you-"

"Don't call me Lou."

I bit my cheek. "Please let me explain."

He shrugged, obviously not having a care in the world. "Go ahead."

I realized I had no explanation. My jaw hung open, no words coming out.

"I see."

"No-"

"Harry, I've spent the last three days trying to figure out why the hell you just left me there on that hill in the cold and I came to two conclusions. Either, one, you're lying right now and you don't actually like me at all, or... I mean, is there something going on?"

I shook my head, then stopped. He saw me hesitate.

"Harry?"

"It's not- it's not you. It's me. It's my fault, I'm awful, I ruin everything that matters to me,
I can't-"

He crossed his arms, looking down. I felt awful.

"You... disappeared. I thought... I feel like it was my fault. At first I felt really bad, like what did I do wrong, and then I was mad, because you disappeared, and then I just felt nothing. Like if you came back I wouldn't care."

I reached forwards to take Louis' hand, but stopped myself. I had to tell him the truth.

"Lou- Louis- sorry, I-" Louis' blue eyes were like daggers to my heart. "It's not your fault. In reality, I keep changing my mind. I'm an indecisive son of a bitch and I'm so sorry."

His expression softened for a brief moment, but soon he put his hardened gaze back up. "Changing your mind?"

I nodded. "I thought I was ready. For you, for a relationship. I'm not, I'm still scarred, and that's my fault, and I'm really sorry. It's no excuse."

He shook his head, still sour.

"I'm going to try, I promise."

"You better."

~~~

so i changed my pronouns to they/them and came out so i'm v v proud of myself ✌️

love you guys . i really do . ty for 1.6k reads i don't deserve it . i know it's not much but it's a lot more than i should have based on my habits of vanishing 

i plan on trying to wrap this up as quickly as i can just because it's so shitty how i can't keep up with it and i'll create a new plot for a different fanfiction after.

also, not sure if anyone here is in this fandom, but i'm going to be starting a dreamnotfound oneshots book soon so keep your eyes open :))

cas xx