I'm Sorry

Chapter One: Ember Among Ashes

-ELIZA HAMILTON-

Eliza stumbled through the darkness of her own orphanage, holding Chelsea's hand. She found a band-aid in a drawer, and handed it to her.

"Miss Hamilton?" whispered Chelsea

"Hm?" replied Eliza groggily.

"H-how will a band-aid help a nose-bleed?"

Eliza looked down at her, and snorted, "You put it on your nose, it's not that hard."

Reluctantly, Chelsea stuck the band-aid on her nose, "I-it's still bleeding, Miss Hamilton."

"It'll stop soon, now, go back to bed," sighed Eliza, resting a hand on her shoulder.

"But-" Chelsea's protest was cut short by a sharp knock on the front door. Eliza furrowed her eyebrows, it was like 2 in the morning. 

"Go back to bed, Chelsea," said Eliza absent-mindedly, staring at the door.

"Yes, Miss Hamilton..." replied Chelsea quietly. 

Eliza walked toward the door, staring at the silhouette of the man on the other side. Reluctantly, she put her hand on the doorknob, and opened the door. 

She stared at man on the other side, soaked from the rain, towering over her. 

"Eliza Hamilton..." said Aaron Burr, smiling slightly.

-AARON BURR-

Aaron sat in the carriage, wringing his hands. This was a bad idea, isn't it? He sighed and rested his head in his hands, and went over the events of that day. 

"Burr, if you have an ounce of respect for this country, you'll man up and forget about him," came Jefferson's stinging voice in his head.

"Please, Aaron... this won't help," pleaded his wife, and Aaron gritted his teeth.

"This isn't what he would have wanted," said his old friend, Lafayette. 

All these memories, coming from people he trusted. They all told him not to do it. Not to talk to her. Yet...

He needs to.

He needs to talk to her, he needs to make it up. The guilt of killing Hamilton weighed on him every day. He couldn't focus, he couldn't sleep, he had no appetite. 

He was the damn Vice President of America. 

He took a deep breath, about to face her. The woman who's life he ruined. He wondered how she would react to seeing him. Would she try to kill him? Would she plead for him to leave her alone?

"This is your stop, Mr. Burr," said the carriage driver, and he nodded. He stared at the Graham Windham Orphanage, the first private orphanage in New York. He had to appreciate how she did this all, after all that happened to her. 

He walked to the door, his heart racing and he knocked. It was a mere few minutes, yet it seemed like ages before the door opened. Eliza opened it, and Aaron's breath hitched.

"Eliza Hamilton," said Aaron, trying to sound as calm as he said.

"Aaron Burr," replied Eliza, staring him in the eyes, confusion clouding them more than the hatred Aaron expected. 

"W-what are you doing here? It's two in the morning," said Eliza groggily.

"I came to make amends, I am responsible for the passing of your-"

"Oh... just come in, we don't have to do this right here," interrupted Eliza turning her back on Aaron.

"Just hang your coat there," she said, her back still turned to him, pointing to a coatrack. This was not how he was expecting this to go.

///

Aaron sat down on the couch, and Eliza sat down, seemingly calm down.

"As you were," she gestured to him.

"I-I just... I can't live with the guilt.  All the pain I've caused you, not a day goes by that I regret it," he practiced this speech countless times, yet despite all the practice, he still felt a sob rise up in his throat, and the next time he talked, his voice cracked and a tear streaked down his face, no matter how hard he tried to contain it.

"I-I just wish I could take it back..." he bowed his head in shame as tears poured down relentlessly.

"I wish I was the one who died instead of him..." he finished, his hands shaking... tears dropping off of his chin.

"If there is anything I could do to help, please... let me help... I'm begging you," he looked up at Eliza who was staring at him expressionlessly. Aaron waited, anticipating her to start yelling, or crying, or at least talking.

Nothing

"I-I understand if you don't want to speak to me," said Aaron, and Eliza stirred a little bit. 

"All donations come in by mail," she responded quietly.

"Yes, I know, I just... I wanted to make amends, I've always respected you, and I can't bare the thought of hurting you like I did,"

Eliza looked up and stared into his bloodshot eyes, "I'm sorry... who are you?" she said softly.

"W-what?"

"Who are you again?" she said, and this time there was a faint trace of a laugh in her voice. What was happening?

"I-I'm Aaron Burr... Eliza are you alright?"

"You were Alex's friend, yes?" she said, confused.

"Eliza... do you not remember the duel?" asked Aaron, scared to say anything more.

"N-no... Mr. Burr, what are you talking about?" asked Eliza, an edge of impatience in her voice. 

"I'm the Vice President of America!" burst out Aaron desperately.

"Yes, I know who you are, why are you in my orphanage at 2 in the morning?"

Aaron took a deep breath, when the sound of a child crying sound out in the distance.

"I need to see what's happening," said Eliza, annoyed. And with that she got up and walked away.  

Aaron blinked, confused. W-was she in denial? Did she hit her head?

He looked around, not knowing what to do. He was suddenly overcome with curiosity. He stood up, and stared at an open door. He glanced back at the door Eliza went through, and then crept in to that door.

Turning on an oil lamp, he looked around. It was a small room, one bed, a dresser, and a desk. He looked over his shoulder, checking to see if she came, still nothing.

He went closer to the bedside table, and examined it. Nothing was on the top, just a lamp, and a sleep mask. He opened the drawer, and gasped.

There was a pile of bottles of alcohol, half empty or empty. One fell when he opened the drawer, and there was a loud crash on the floor as it shattered.

Aaron cringed, he was sure Eliza heard it. And his fears were confirmed when he heard footsteps walking towards the door. His heart stopped beating for a second, as he whipped around to see Eliza staring at him. Her face getting red. 

"So this is what you came here for? To go through my room?" asked Eliza accusatively.

"N-no, I'm sorry," said Aaron, slamming the drawer shut again and hurrying out of the room. Eliza stood in his way, standing in the doorstep. Even though she was 6 inches shorter than him, she was intimidating staring into his eyes. Her ominously blank expression turned scarier now, her eyes had a fire in her.

She stepped aside, and said, "Get out, and I would advise you to schedule your meetings from now on,"