you wish you were strangers

Fair Enough

     Life isn't fair. It's usually a phrase that elders tell little kids, they never really expect young kids to understand right away, but they tell kids in a way to prepare for the future. But it's something you've understood right away. There was no peace or freedom involved for you as a kid. Things have always been unfair for you, even the little things. Eventually, you learned to accept that fate.  You watched people right before your eyes always get what they dreamed of, without working hard for it. You worked hard for every little thing, but it always ends up out of your reach. You've dreamed of big dreams, just to be told you can't do it. No one has ever given you motivation, so you've learned to find it yourself. Even then you've sacrificed every little gift you've been given, only because you thought you can't be as good as them. You always tried harder and harder until your breaking point. You eventually always gave up. Hard work alone will never beat natural talent.

 But then there's him. 

     He is your motivation. Your only motivation. At least he was. He was never really the friendly type, and honestly deep down you don't know how you got along with him in the first place. It starts to make sense to you now why it didn't last long. You tell yourself you hate him. You tell yourself you hate him so much, but you realize that's just a cover for the mix of emotions deep inside of you. You don't know how to feel about him at all, but there's always that spark inside of you that craves to meet him again. You would do anything to meet him again. This is the one thing you never want to give up on. You think about how stupid it feels to be chasing after a guy, the thought even makes you gag and laugh at how pathetic you are. You've given up so many things in your life, why can't you have this one guy?

     An alarm blares from your phone, it rings loudly into your ears as you struggle to turn it off. It's 10:00 AM Saturday, November 17, 2018. It feels like today's something important but you can't pinpoint what exactly it is. 

You take a long shower and head down to a small bakery down the street. "One small coffee please, and a cheesecake," You say to the lady at the register. It was about time you treat yourself after a long week. Who thought it would be so hard studying journalism in Tokyo, Japan. As you finish up the last bite of your cheesecake and drink the last sip of your coffee, it finally hits what today is.

      A volleyball tournament in Sendai, MSBY Jackals Vs. Schweden Alders. You check the ticket confirmation just to be sure. "Oh it is today," you say to yourself.  A Volleyball game isn't such a big event, but for you, it's something you've been waiting for. You started feeling sick, and your stomach started taking summersaults, you immediately became nervous. The game starts at 4 meaning you'll have to be there by 3 o'clock, but Sendai is 2 hours away by train. You check the time on your phone, it's already noon. Panic arises within you. You rush back to your apartment and pack your travel purse. You don't need anything for a volleyball tournament your not even playing for right? 

     You pack a few clothes, extra money, and some food anyways. You rush down to the elevator as fast as you can caring your heavy bag. You check the time again at 12:30. "Oh, I swear if I don't make it on that damn train on time I'm going to murder-" you murmur to yourself. The man next to you in the elevator overheard what you said looked over at you in terror. "Sorry!" you say quickly and run as fast as you can out of that elevator. Despite living in Japan for a few years, navigating it has always been hard. You struggle to find your way around, and to add to that kanji isn't your thing, so reading signs won't get you anywhere.  

After a while of walking you finally make it to the station, you swipe your card and look for the terminal heading to Sendai. The time's 12:50, you start panicking. The only way you can make it to the game in time is by the 1:00 train. You start to panic and struggle to find the terminal. 

"You need help?" A nice lady and her husband asks you. Guess you look terrifying when you panic. You nod vigorously, and say "Where can I find the train to Sendai?" 

 "Oh, we are heading that way you can come with us." You follow them into the train and take a seat near them.