"Calamity? What're you doing here?" I yelled aloud. I was angry; I thought I lost it when I tried ending my life.
Because, stupid. I'm here to ruin you; to break you; to make you wish you weren't alive.
"Hadn't you already done that before?" I knew I was losing it. I always knew I was. Somehow, though, I had forgotten the horrors of my mind.
Yes, but now? You're pronounced crazy. No one else can hear me but you, Lennon, which means they can do anything to make sure you aren't a danger to yourself. They can put you in a straight jacket; you could be locked in those white, cushony rooms. And you'll continue to go crazy. And that's what I feed off of.
Deep breaths, I thought controllably. I promised myself I wouldn't give up. Not quite yet.
I decided to go to bed. Of course, Calamity wouldn't exactly allow me to, but hey, it couldn't hurt to try. I layed down on my horribly uncomfortable bed. I shut my eyes.
Stupid. What makes you think you can sleep?
Stupid. You're ugly.
You're fat.
I dare you to try overdosing again, stupid. Dare you to. Please.
I started crying. Calamity was starting to get the better of me. I didn't want that. I thought I could get rid of him.
Finally, I fell asleep after what seemed like hours later. I woke up to hearing someone. Not quite Calamity, but a female voice. I hadn't recognized it before.
"REGINA. STOP. I'M FINE. PLEASE LET ME GO. " She was yelling now. I was afraid of what this Regina character was doing to cause her to screech so loudly.
Turns out, Regina is a nurse that was escorting a beautiful, fragile-looking lady. She looked about my age.
"REGINA I CAN ESCORT MYSELF TO THE BATHROOM ALRIGHT? PLEASE LEAVE!" I decided she was frustrated. I walked over to my schedule on the wall and saw that a nurse would be escorting me to breakfast. I didn't normally eat breakfast. I didn't like eating at all. Now don't get me wrong - I'm not anorexic, nor have I ever been. I dont have an eating disorder and never have to my knowledge. I just didnt like food very much. Maybe that was a flaw of mine; I don't know.
After about 15 minutes, a male nurse came to my cell and unlocked it.
"Hello, Lennon. I'm Christopher. You can call me Chris. I'm going to be your nurse, for the most part. I'll take you to your meals, escort you to the bathroom, and escort you to your appointments with the doctor. I will not, however, take you to the rec room or take you to take your medication; nurses will alternate and take you as groups. Of course I could be doing that on days but it won't be an all the time thing. Ready to go?" I nodded and breathed deep. Just get past breakfast fast, then go to the rec room and relax. Apparently they had to provide us some sort of education while we were missing school. We were allowed to pick classes based on what we had before. They also had things that my school didn't provide - they had robotics, stress-controlling classes, music (which my school couldn't afford), and pottery. I was mainly interested in music. I enjoyed playing the drums. Calamity had stopped me from playing in the 9th grade. We had basic English, math, science, and social studies classes. We were able to take advanced classes if we wished. I didn't want to, knowing Calamity would bother me during the simple classes; if I took classes that required more patience and focus, I'd get nothing done and end up driving myself crazy.
We walked to the cafeteria and he let me choose a seat.
Stupid. I hope you know you won't make any friends here.
I sighed and sat at an empty table. I didn't want to have to associate with anyone. Calamity wouldn't let me, anyway.
I got up and walked to the breakfast line. Some people weren't eating and were really pale and skinny; anorexia nervosa is what I imagined they had. I picked out a banana and some yogurt. As I said before, I wasn't the least bit hungry. I thought I had to pay, so I stood there for a moment before the lunch aid came over and said, "Hun, this isn't school. Meals are included in the stay." I nodded and went back to my seat. Unfortunately for me, a few other kids were sitting. One was that green haired kid, and the other was Henley. She seemed empty. She had a breakfast in front of her, but she hadn't touched it one bit. The green haired kid, however, was chowing down like he hadn't eaten one thing before. I sat down, a few seats in between the two.
What, are you stupid? Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot. That's your name. Hah. I kill myself. Just like you tried to.
I sighed. Calamity wouldn't stop. I ate some of my yogurt, and was going on to my banana when the green haired kid said something to me.
"Hi." He didn't look up as he said it.
"Uh, hello. How's it going?" I replied. He nearly choked on his bagel.
"How's it going? Oh, fine and dandy. It's not like we're in a mental hospital or anything. Ha. How's it going." He kept repeating what I said, as if I said something hilarious. I looked at my banana, suddenly not wanting it anymore.
Told ya, stupid. You're a loner.
I looked at the clock, hoping breakfast would soon be over. Still had 40 minutes. I sat there, with a blank expression on my face, hoping I could unconciously doze off or something.
"So what're you in for?"
I snapped out of my doze and looked to the side. The green haired kid was ferociously eating his 4th pancake and no intentions of speaking to me again, so I decided that it must have been Henley.
"Schizophrenia a-and depression and a-anxiety." I shut my eyes, hoping Calamity wouldn't butt in.
"Oh, that's always fun," she said. She looked at me, as if she was waiting for me to ask her the same question.
"So, uh, what about you?" I breathed deep.
"Bipolar disorder, anxiety, depression, anorexia nervosa, personality disorder, and self harm." I stared at her.
"Oh. I-I'm sorry. I hurt myself too. I c-came here becuase I tried committing su-sucide." I kept stuttering. She was beautiful.
The bell went on. Time went by fast.
She hurried, trying to make it past her nurse. I willingly went with the group that was supposed to be going to the rec room. We walked until we got to a large living room, with chairs and TVs and just good things to keep your mind off of things.
I couldn't stop thinking about Henley. I had actually only spoken to her once, but she was beautiful. Way too thin. She looked as if she could break any moment. I wanted to help, but knowing Calamity, he wouldn't let me.
I wanted to be someone's hero; their rock; their saviour; indestructive.
