Passionate Exchange

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Archer rubs the back of his neck awkwardly as his lips purse into a line. I can see that our interaction is as strange to him as it is to me. It feels like no time has passed yet there's a space between us that wasn't there before. We're more distanced now.

He looks shy, awkward almost. I'm sure I have a similar expression on my face too but right now I don't care about that. All I can focus on is him. Why would he get me a gift? I wasn't even expecting a goodbye let alone a gift.

Our gazes lock and the air is sucked out of me. The raw emotion in his eyes causes butterflies to flutter in my stomach. I try to ignore them. "You didn't have to," I say.

I drop my gaze to the floor. My nerves settle down but not much. Being in front of him like this is making me anxious just like it did the first time we spoke. If this isn't confirmation that the feelings never went away, then I don't know what is.

"I wanted to."

He holds the gift out for me to take. Our fingers brush as I do so, a current shooting up my arm from the contact. I try to conceal my body's reaction to his touch. I study the snow globe carefully and turn it in my hands. It's simple, there are a few trees in the centre painted white and the words 'Merry Christmas' carved into the base. Ironically, he's giving me this five months after Christmas.

"I got you it because I know you like snow. It reminded me of that day and," he pauses as I shake the snow globe. Little white flecks float down to the bottom. "You don't want to hear this."

I keep quiet because it's true. Christmas was far from merry. It was the day that everything started going wrong. My life was like a series of dominoes. When our relationship fell everything else fell with it. I didn't think things could get any worse after that day, but they did.

I place the snow globe on the drawers next to me when simply holding it in my hands reminds me of that time. I release a shaky breath. Now that my hands are bare, I barely have time to register what he's saying before he takes my hands in his. I don't move them.

"What I'm trying to say is I need you, Mads." I swallow hard when he calls me that. It's been a long time since he's addressed me as anything other than Madison. "I know you don't need me, but I need to know that I tried to get you back. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing that I let you leave without at least trying." He admits.

I stare at him blankly, my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. What am I supposed to say to him? This has all happened so quick. I wish it would all just slow down. His thumbs rubbing circles against my palms makes me wish my heart would slow down too.

We haven't properly spoken for so long and now he's telling me that he still needs me! It's ruining my plan. I wanted to go back home and forget I ever had feelings for him. But now all I'm going to think about is this conversation.

"You need me?" I ask, struggling to believe what he's saying.

I'm not used to being needed by him. Before, I needed him more than I needed anyone else. It was like he was my air and without him, I would suffocate. I always wondered if he needed me too but thought it was futile to consider. If he didn't need me, it would crush me.

After what he said on Christmas, I assumed that he didn't. He told me he regretted everything and left as if it was easy. Then when I saw him in school, he'd seem fine with everything. That was when I knew he never needed me in the first place. I felt pathetic acting the way I was when he was moving on.

Hearing that I was wrong all this time and he does need me is making my head spin. I feel like I need to lay on the floor and scrunch my eyes shut until everything settles down. I can't do that though. Not now.