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s e v e n t e e n

I have found myself to become rather engrossed with these works of literature. Even despite the rather erotic chapters that lay among that of Lady Chatterley's Lover. It is still particularly difficult for me to regulate my emotions in response to such vulgar words and crass scenes, but they are becoming more manageable. It is less the actions that are described, more the feelings behind them, and that is rather beautiful.

Perhaps it is because I know of that feeling personally. Not the one that presses a carnal desire for copulation, but rather intimacy. I suppose I can hardly deem myself to be a professional in the matter, but after my exchange with Kian, I feel far less embarrassed by the notion. I see the desire for it. I understand why it is so imperative between that of friends and otherwise. I've chosen to abstain from the term 'lovers', seeing that it is a statement that hangs loosely now. I know that is not what Kian and I are, but I certainly know there is more to us that friends.

I'd always been under the impression that relations are split between the two categories, but I see now there is a blur in between which is undefined. I suppose that is where myself and Kian reside. Even the thought makes me blush.

I haven't left my room at all today, but as the words float from the last page of my book, I decide with a sigh that I can no longer reside on my lonesome. Solitude is request for investigation and I've noticed that Zaveri and the other maids have come to check on my well being far more regularly. As flattering as it might be, it is not something I need. Before long, they will be sleeping on my futon and then that really will be a problem.

After hiding my books beneath my mattress, I leave my bedroom, not before threading my arms in the cardigan that trails behind me along the polished wood floor. The weather is warming and while I might've once been pleased of that fact, now it is a dreadful promise that summer is impending and with it, my wedding. So I ignore the tweeting birds whose tunes dance through the open windows, just as ignore the way the floor has warmed beneath my feet. I know that my ignorance will not make it any less real, but it lets me live in my fantasy for just a moment longer.

Our library is not a place I have ever ventured before, but now, I am intrigued. I'd never paid attention to the books that line our shelves, but knowing now that so many were recalled, I wonder what it is we own. After making my way through the doors, I'm stopped abruptly by the stagnant hair. It seems this room has had no visitors for quite some time.

Therefore, I open the doors that lead to the veranda outside, where sits a rounded patio table and two matching chairs. It has quite the view, out towards the fountain which arches water high into the sky before it splashes down in the pond that surrounds it, disturbing the blossoming lily pads and the carp fish that swim beneath the surface. As the sunrays clash with the spitting water, from it a rainbow reflects, casting a rather magical glow about the sky, hazing the line of trees that rest just behind. It's a sight for sore eyes, that is certain. If my current reads were not so forbidden, I'm sure I'd be enjoying them out here.