Terminal Trance

17

Siddharta

"That's...heartbreaking." Kenna was already crying and reaching for my other hand. "Iintindihin ko po...pero pakiusap, 'wag ka ng...umiyak. Baka makasama po sa'yo at sa...kapatid ko."

"Oh god....Kenna. Patawarin mo ako. I did not wish for this. I did not want you to know and look at me with disgust and despise."

Umiling siya sa akin ng maraming beses habang hilam sa mga luha ang kanyang inosenteng mga mata.

"Am I looking at you now with disgust and despise?" Gumaralgal pa ang boses niya. "I...I maybe young, but I'm not stupid. Given what you had to go through, the horrible life that you have experienced ay sa tingin ko ay gagawin ko rin ang desisyon mo. Napunta ako sa...kila mama. Believe me I am not saying this to spite you. Mababait sila saakin, gave me everything that I wanted and they never hid the fact that I was adopted, maayos ang pagpapalaki nila at mahal nila ako, pero alam ko noon pa man na may kulang. Somehow when I met you and I had the chance to work with you...though I cannot put a finger on what I felt before and what I am feeling being under your wing and knowing the truth now, alam ko na ngayon ang tawag. I feel whole. I feel grateful for my life, for you.. for thinking what's best for me. I...I am here. Hindi ako ingrata, hindi ako mahilig magtanim ng sama ng loob at naiintindihan ko. You may have not been there for me growing up, but we have all the time now. Susuklian ko ang lahat ng iyak mo at pangungulila, hindi pa po huli ang lahat 'diba?"

"I...how can you be this pure, Kenna? Hindi ka man lang ba magdududa?"

"I am not that pure..."Natawa siya ng kaunti. "I guess I am really just longing...was longing for something like this. Ni wala nga akong makapang hinanakit. Just regrets maybe of the time missed. That I am promising you now will never be missed again." Lumapit siya saakin at niyakap ako. "I have longed for this." Hinigpitan niya ang hawak saakin at para akong yelong natutunaw at nababalot ng kaginhawahan sa ginagawa niya. "Let me take care of you."

"Oh my god...Kenna." Niyakap ko siya ng pabalik ng mas mahigpit. "Hindi ko alam na sasaya ako ng ganito."

"Ano pala ang itatawag ko sa'yo?" Naghiwalay na kami at pinunasan niya ang pisngi ko.

"Whatever pleases you, Kenna."

"Ma? Mom? Parang magkapatid nga lang tayo."

We both chuckled.

"You're too kind. You may call me whatever you want, Kenna. You don't have to adjust. Ang importante ay...nahahawakan na kita at napagmamasdan ng ganito. My heart is back."

"Is it really? Paano si Patron?"

Umiling ako.

"He cannot know."

"About me?"

"Most especially about you. If he knows, Herika will soon know and I don't want to undermine her sleuthing. That bitch will never let Felix get away and I don't want you hurt in any way possible."

"So you'll choose to hurt yourself again? Pwede po bang ako naman ang magdala ngayon? I am not as fragile as you think."

Umiling ako.

"Ako at ako pa rin ang magdadala nito, Kenna. Lalo pa at alam mo na. The more that I have to keep you safe."

.......

"Pakiulit nga, Siddharta? Para kasing nabingi ako sa mg sinabi mo."

"I mean it, Felix. Let us end this."

"Ano bang mga pinagsasabi mo at ano ang hindi mo naiintindihan sa mga sinumpa ko sa'yo? Sa akin ka, aalagaan kita, si Herika ba? Ano nanaman ang itinanim ng pisteng yawa na iyon sa isip mo? Patayin ko na ba?"