Forbidden

Chapter thirteen

(With Jikook)

~Meanwhile Jimin~ 

***

Jimin was already drinking and drowning himself in all his pain.Didn't mention how he got the alcohol?Well,when he heard the door close,he took it as his cue to go down and quickly bring up one of the things that he needed to forget everything that had happened and to get "happy" again,so he did it without getting noticed by Jungkook. 

When Jimin got up to his room, he felt selfish... So fucking selfish for what he did. He broke the poor boy's heart while trying to fix it and now instead of holding him close, he was drinking his pain and feelings away. With each sip of alcohol that went down his throat, Jimin cussed at himself again and again, which made him feel so weak... He wanted to go find Jungkook wherever he was and hug him as tightly as he could, but he didn't. His selfish mind wouldn't let him to get the one he cared for the most in almost his whole life.

Jimin was on the floor, weeping helplessly. He felt worthless. He finally made someone feel loved and then he left them behind to dust​​​. Just so he could forget everything.The one flaw of his was showing up again and doing excessive amount of drinking when he was in pain or tensed and he clearly knew it wasn't good for his health but he didn't even knew if he was good for himself or not. He still needed to move on... like the way it was.. it is..​​​​​​ He knew there will not be anyone to physically support him after he got the role of the next leader of one of the most feared mafia gang from his dad. 

He was just a little lonely soul looking for love wherever and whenever he could find it. He got so excited when he finally did find it in some people who came to his life but... they always walked away from him and today he walked away from a boy who needed it. Why? He himself didn't know about it... The thing was that he felt disgusted by himself for doing something that was forbidden . What he did was engraved in his mind though it wasn't so forbidden at all... He didn't know if the act was brave, meaningful or just a small game which could be remembered now and forgotten the next second..

So many thoughts ran across his mind while he was almost wasted on the floor with his 3rd bottle of soju in hand. "I..I'm so sorry, Kook... I'm so fucking sorry for hurting you like this instead of... Healing you​... I'm so sorry...", Jimin mumbled to himself, so many thoughts were flooding in his mind, he wanted to scream loud enough to make his thoughts go away but he couldn't...he knew that it wouldn't do anything. 

He knew all of this would make him more vulnerable than he's already is, so he finally got up from the floor and sat down on his bed. He looked down at the bottle in his hand. A sudden rage erupted in him as he threw the now empty bottle against the wall as it shattered and pieces of glass scattered everywhere... That's what he did to Jungkook... He shattered his delicate heart. The more he drank and tried to forget it numb the pain, the more he thought about that innocent little angel... So precious...so innocent... he didn't deserve any of it. 

Jimin was literally feeling like he would die on spot as his vision became blurry and his heart started to pound like crazy. He had so many things to tell but had no way to explain one bit of it... He was lost in his thoughts... He wanted to end it all just by leaving the house... but he couldn't... why? Because he loved Jungkook... he was in love with that innocent little bunny-like boy. He could not live without him, he couldn't leave him...not when he was in this vulnerable state. Jimin was slowly trying to calm down, when he heard thunder crash outside... "Jungkook doesn't like thunders...", He said to himself, hoping a boy as cute as a bunny would come knocking on his door just to ask if he could sleep with him for the night, but alas.. no one came... Jimin just gazed at the wall infront of him. 

Jimin smirked to himself and chuckled softly, wiping away the stray tears on his face as he felt all empty and hollow inside and out. "Good job Jimin... You managed to make someone distant  who was getting close to you again...", Jimin whispered to himself  before letting out a humourless chuckle and then brushing his hair back. 

Jimin looked over at the broken glass pieces and sighed, "I'll clean them up tomorrow...", He said and laid down on the bed, slowly closing his eyes, slowly feeling like his hangover was already creeping up on him. He groaned and sat back up and massaged his temples as he tried to soothe the headache. 

Jimin soon gave up on the pain and fell back on his bed and rolled on to his side as tears brimmed his eyes again, making him let out a sigh, "I wasn't good enough...", He whispered along his tears as he was feeling unwilling to go to sleep, "I'll try my best to apologize tomorrow to you, Jungkookie... Just trust Hyung...", Jimin once again whispered to himself with an assuring smile and closed his eyes after he pulled the covers over his body. But he still feared that Jungkook might not even come close to him... What if the Jungkook he knew before maybe had become someone else?... Maybe he had been like that for all the time but Jimin hadn't seen that side of him...he didn't want to see that side of him... With that, he closed his eyes again as he fell asleep with the thunder growling outside and also... in his heart.

***