The Scandal (Thomas Brodie Sangster)

I'm a genius

"Hello! everybody." Thomas smiled in y/n's kitchen his button-down half undone and a glass of wine in his hand "Now... Now... Plot" He giggled "Y/n has gone out. Yes, she has... she had gone to the doctor and then to her family and then, somewhere else, she did tell me but that was six hours and two bottles of wine ago" He explained "And she has left all her filming stuff so I thought for fucking funzies I would film a video, yes this is not planned, it is not on the weekly sheet but I'm doing it! because you and me we... we don't connect you know we don't spend time, one on one" He smiled "Now! I thought I would do a nice video, Because she is out all day and Because I rather enjoy cooking I would make her a fantabulous dinner, and then I had a confident glass of wine... well, confidence, Bottle of wine" He explained "and now I shall make... dinner. Of some sort. I do not know what. But I will figure that out" He says and One of the lights  fell down "Oohh... that's what the nob went into" He says "Hahh nob, Ohh god I'm five." He laughs "I think it's time... for more wine, and y/n isn't here to tell me no so... tis more wine time," he says filling his glass up "I am going to make... something with chicken because she took chicken breast out the freezer, .... haha Breast. and something that will pair well with wine" He says looking around the kitchen "Ooooh I can make, spicy chicken there is a leftover seasoning packet from a wrap kit" He says as he dug through the cupboards "Is it out of date?... yes. But it's like... a bag of spices what's to go out of date" He shrugs bringing it and some chicken to the table "... We have wraps in the bread bin. I could make wraps. with veggies and stuff.... does that sound good? y/n isn't here to tell me so, Fuck it we're doing it" He says picking up his wine sloshing it around to airait it but some fell on the countertop "don't do it... don't do it, Thomas. don't lick the wine." He muttered "You're an adult man, don't lick the wine off the counter" 

there was clearly a cut but when it returned the wine was gone and his shirt was now dirty

"Okay! step one For Thomas makes dinner for y/n, get some chicken breast lovingly defrosted by your beautiful local woman. If you do not have a local woman a local man is also fine. it will not change the flavors, Ohh I just realized how offensive that sounds. I'm sorry I didn't mean it like that. Okay, step one is... take the chicken out the packet"He says but the packet broke "Ohh for... fuck it I'm knifing it, Now if you are a small child or just s stupid person knives are not safe... so don't use knives. According to the house rules, I should not be even operating this knife, Because I lack adult supervision, which is y/n. and... I am not my own adult apparently, according to some people" He says drinking more wine and knifing the packet of chicken and putting it all out to a cutting board "Step to, cut the chicken into chunks small enough to not burn but big enough not to have to cut them up while eating them... think stab with three fork prongs." he explained why cutting "Ooh... No, I didn't cut myself. It's okay... I don't need y/n's supervision I am a man in my thirties I do not need my wife to tell me how to hold my knife... it's my knife"  he says waving the knife around a bit "Step three is to put the chicken on a tray, and sprinkle with the magic powder" he says "But not if your magic powder is white. that's... a different kind of magic powder, and you shouldn't eat that. don't do drugs kids. Or wine. Or sex. children should just... be taken away and educated by robots and returned to society at eighteen. Ohhh y/n's gonna kill me" He laughs "I can feel her anger, even if she's not here, I can feel the fact she'll be mad at me when she gets home" He explained "Next throw it in the oven until your whole house makes your eyes water with spice, when you feel you can taste spice in the air it's done" He explained "Ooh y/n bought premade cut up salads... so I do not need to cut veggies and such. so... what do I do till the chicken is done?" He says "Oooh I could make dessert," He says "we have strawberries. I shall cut them up and make chocolate covered strawberries and cream which is y/n's favourite" He smiled getting strawberries and a few other things "I shall double boil the chocolate, because If I do it in the microwave... I shall burn it" he explained "chocolate!!" He cheered throwing two broken bars into the bowel "I think y/n is gonna be mad, but she loves me so... maybe she won't murder me" he laughed "Strawberries for y/n" He smiled cutting them up "I wonder if she worries about me when she's out, does she worry about me? does she worry what I get up to all alone without her, I worry about her when she's not here, I think she worries about me like if I'm gonna cut my fingers off, or set fire to my shed, I'm more accident prone then I thought I was." He shrugs "she shouldn't worry about me, I just do this when she's not here. Just sleep, eat, play PlayStation, and furiously masturbate but... I think she knows I do that" he says "I need to whip this... but the whisk is not working..... If I stick the whisk in my drill. Ha! I'm a genius!" He smirked "Now... the chicken should be done." He says putting the desert away "Fuck. God damn it... It's one thing to get drunk, and for the sake of jokes go a bit overboard with being weird for the sense of comedy,  But then I do something genuinely dumb and not even turn the oven on." he sighed 

"Thomas?" Y/n called from the door so he cleaned up slightly and turned the oven on 

"Hi honey"

"What... what happened in here?" Y/n asks from off-camera 

"I'm making dinner," He says

"Are you now?" she laughs coming into shot looking at the mess he has made "why is the whisk in your drill?"

"The whisk wouldn't turn on"

"did you plug it in?" 

".... I did not"

"Thank you Thomas, but... less wine next time" she laughs giving him a cuddle 

"Yes dear" He smiled cuddling her too and giving her a kiss 

"Give me a wine"

"Yes dear," He smirked pouring her a glass of wine.