You'll Be Okay

1

"I'm just not hungry." Harry said.

They sat around a table at the closest restaurant to their house. It had been another day packed to the brim with filming, and Harry should be hungry, but here he was, not hungry.

"We've been recording all day." Josh frowned. "Even when we took a break you barely ate. How are you not hungry?"

Harry shrugged with one shoulder, eyes downcast. "I dunno." He pushed his food around his plate.

Silence settled around them, and Harry breathed deeply.

"How are we going to eat all this food?" Ethan asked, trying to break the awkward atmosphere. "We can't finish off all of this without an extra person."

"Stop it." Simon murmured, elbowing him.

"What?" Ethan glared at Simon's elbow. "What did you do that for?"

Simon rolled his eyes and looked pointedly at Harry. The boy had started to curl inside himself, staring dejectedly at his untouched meal.

"Just be quiet and eat your food, Behz"

"I can't. I'm full."

Josh looked at the two bickering, before returning his gaze onto Harry. Concern furrowed his brow and he was at a loss on how to cheer him up.

"I'm sorry." Harry said in a small voice. "I don't know why I'm not hungry."

The rest of the small group exchanged looks amongst themselves.

After no one else spoke up, Josh decided to take the lead.

"It's okay," He said in a soothing tone. Reaching over to rub Harry's shoulder he continued, "we all have our days."

Harry bit his lip instinctively, wondering wether or not he should tell his friend. "But I haven't eaten in two days." He said quietly.

Josh's eyes widened in surprise. "Not at all?"

He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact. If he did, he thinks he might cry.

"Okay then." Josh spoke. He didn't miss Harry's watery eyes or shaky fingers. Looking up at Simon and Ethan, he knew they were as lost as he was. "It's okay," The eldest continued. "I guess we'll just have to find a way to cheer you up."

For some reason, Harry felt more upset, but he couldn't tell them that. Not when they were trying so hard to make him feel better.

"Sure." He managed to say.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" Simon persisted. He was more perceptive than the rest of his friends, and he could see how tired the youngest was.

While the bags under his eyes did seem to exaggerate his fatigue, it was how Harry's enthusiasm had lacked in the past week, that had caught his eye.

"I don't think I can." Harry replied, finally sneaking a look at the table. He wished he didn't because everyone's focus was on him.

Harry could feel Simon's hesitation. "Could you try having just one bite?"

If the other others noticed how much energy it took for Harry to lift the fork to his mouth, they didn't comment on it.

He chewed the beef slowly, forcing his jaw to work through the tough meat. Unpleasantness settled around his throat, as if his body was physically rejecting what he was eating. But he managed to do so anyway.

"There you go," Josh murmured, rubbing at Harry's neck encouragingly. "Do you think you can eat some more?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to."

"I just wanna go home."

His eyes started watering again. Why would he be crying over food? Why can't he just snap the fuck out of it? He could feel the guilt of not being able to finish his food eating him up inside, the thought of wasting his friends money, how he couldn't think of anything funny to say while recording today, he couldn't think and he couldn't laugh and he-

"How about I take Harry outside while you guys pay?" Josh suggested, and just like that, Harry was dragged out of his black hole of anxiety.

His body moved without needing to tell it to, and hurried to leave the restaurant, to leave the unwanted gazes and concerned eyes.

"Bogger, mate, what's going on? Is there something stressing you out?"

Dazed, he shook his head. Harry's eyes were unfocused and didn't notice Josh's concern. The road was busy tonight, with cars and noisy buses zooming past, engines roaring. People were loudly chatting from inside the restaurant. The lights from the street were too bright and headlights from cars moved too quickly for his liking.

Still in a haze, he didn't notice how his breathing quickened.

"Harry?" He could hear Josh in the background but right now all he felt was panic. His head hurting and his pulse roaring through his entire body, he raised his arms and threaded his fingers through his hair.

He's dying.

"Harry, Harry," Josh panicked, watching Harry's face screw in pain, hyperventilating and crying. What could he do? His arms were raised, bracketing his body protectively.

Harry stumbled, his legs unsure and trembling. He backed against a wall. And suddenly, he was on the floor. He could feel hot tears running down his cheeks. Fingers brushing hair out of his eyes. They caressed his face. Warm pressure surrounded his jaw, and he was forced to look up.

Josh.

"Harry, mate, breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe okay, and focus on me."

It wasn't as easy as it sounded, Harry wanted to argue back. Instead he does what he's told and looks at Josh's face. He tried not to pay attention to the rest of the world.

"C'mon Harry." Josh spoke. "In and out."

His breathing stuttered, he couldn't.

"Woah, what's happening?" He heard out of the back of his mind. Simon.

Harry whimpered. His hands reached to Josh's, blunt nails digging harshly. Josh ignored Simon, and continued to focus on Harry.

Finally, he drew in a longer breath, hitching, unstable, but still a breath.

"There you go, good job. Try another?"

***

Harry eventually brought his breath back. He felt gross, tears wet against his face, it felt as if his heart was lodged up his throat.

He was glad Josh hadn't let go of his face yet. The thumb stroking his cheekbone made him feel safer. He released his hold on Josh's arms, letting them fall limply by his sides.

Simon still saw the slight tremor in them.

"The Uber's here." Ethan reminded them, awkwardly gesturing to the car parked right in front of them all.

After a few seconds, Harry managed to stand up, and stumbled into it. He saw Ethan already sitting down.

He didn't want to sit by himself. He was scared. He was tired. Ethan could tell how upset the boy still was, and beckoned him closer, allowing him to nestle up in his arms.

Harry kept breathing deeply, sniffling against Ethan's collarbone. The elder wrapped his arms tighter around him, and Harry shoved his face deeper into the crook of his neck.

After a while, Harry's eyes fluttered closed and Ethan kissed the crown of his head.