ill hurt you, eilish.

8.

i'm SO sorry this took me months to finish writing LMAO
love y'all

omniscient.

Thursday- April 9th

the girls stood in an awkward silence, Billie had no idea what was going through the other girls head. To tell the truth, Grayson was flustered with millions of thoughts. she had no idea what to make of the situation with the blue haired girl. Although this whole thing was a dream come true for Grayson Hendrix, she had a lot on her mind. in all honesty her love interest of several years, was no longer her top priority.

Of course, the things her mother said about her mental health and disorders hurt her, but she wasn't all wrong. Grayson's mental health was declining, and like Tatum informed Billie, she was having more intense episodes more often. she was drained, not just with the things going on inside her head but with her everyday life in general. school was, in her own words 'kicking her ass' and without any sort of support or encouragement from her parents, everything was that little bit harder.

Billie made her feel better though, sure, she had Tatum and Kai to egg her along through her days but Billie was, without a doubt, Grayson's favourite company. after just a few days of being even remotely close with the girl, Grayson had gotten used to having her around, her kind eyes, her need to help, even her affection that made Grayson cringe so much. She had just gotten used to it. Warmed to it if you will.

Grayson zoned out, heavily contained by her thoughts. the world around her became bit of a blur. she took a deep breath after deciding to ignore what had just happened. she had a tendency to do this when didn't know how to react to a situation. she'd either over-react or not react at all , it was an or all or nothing kind of habit. whether it was healthy way to cope, she didn't care for the thought of it too much, she either wanted to react or forget about it, and in this situation, she found it was better to forget until she decided what to make of what was happening.

"well, we better get this cleaned up" she put on an noticeably awkward smile.

"oh yeah, my mom with think something exploded or something."

Billie gave an equality awkward, half hearted laugh. she was confused, she so desperately wanted to know what the other girl was thinking about there two seconds of romance,  but chose to keep quiet to avoid dispute.

Grayson's POV:

as we finished cleaning up i make my way to billies room while she finished up clearing the counters. i sat down on the bed, facing the away from the door to the room, i pull my knees to my chest and drop my head into my hands.

i sigh in confusion.

this should be  the easiest decision to make. so why is it so hard.

i lay back and enclosed myself in the bed sheets, i took a deep breathe in, inhaling billies scent that had been embedded itself into her pillows. the creek of the wooden bedroom door turned my focus to the doorway, particularly a rather mopey looking billie walking through it.

"hey" she said as we made eye contact

"hi" i replied hesitantly.

there was a pause before i spoke again, "billie, i think i should go home"

she looked at me with sad eyes "if its because of the kiss, im sorry it was really bad timing i just thought it was a good time but obviously it wasnt and-"

"no" i interupted her rambling "its got nothing to do with the kiss, i just" i paused for a moment

"i just should really be with meilo, i havent spend a day without him since i got him and i dont have my medication and if i have an episode while im here i- i just- i dont want to have an episode here. i dont wanna break something or. i dont know i just"