Anna's life

Chapter 6

Anna
I could easily say that the last week has been the most boring of my life and I can't wait for Calum to finally forgive me and let me go out with my friends. All I do the past few days is go to school , go to the hospital , go to home , study , eat and sleep.But at least our cheerleading competition is this Friday and i couldn't be more excited.

Just as i was about to start my Sunday by getting a shower, someone knocked on my door

"Come in" I yelled

"Hey princess we're about to cook some breakfast and watch a movie do you wanna come?" Ashton asked

"Umm yeah sure I was about to take a shower so I'll come after that" I said while grabbing my clothes

"Okay take your time baby"he said and then closed the door

Showers always relaxed me and made me think about many things , I wasn't the type of person to blast music while I was showering I preferred just my thoughts and many times this ended with me crying for 10 minutes

I am happy don't get me wrong but it was a way for me to cope with my feelings and crying when I had the need to always felt like a good cleansing. This time though it was different.

I wasn't crying because of a bad grade or because we lost a competition or had an argument with one of the guys I was crying because I knew that the pain that I feel every time this certain day comes will never subside.

9th of February

The day my life changed, the day I lost my best friend, my biggest support and comfort, my human , my soulmate and most importantly

My mother

Every year it feels like it was yesterday I lost her and despite the constant void that I feel on a daily basis the day itself feels 10 times worse

I lost her 5 years ago when I was 12 to a car accident and I will never forgive myself for her death.I remember being bored at school thinking how great it would be if I just skipped all of my classes and go home to play and have a nap

So I did

I pretended I was sick and I didn't feel good and I called my mother to come pick me up

She was working but she was worried about me so she left and came to pick me up since her work was about 10 minutes from my school

But when 20 minutes past and then half an hour I knew something was wrong and my worst fears came true when the hospital called my school and Calum came to pick me up instead of my mom

I didn't get to say goodbye to her because the crash was fatal and she died before she could make it to the hospital

I caused this cause I was bored and I was thinking about myself , if I had just stayed at school like a normal kid everything would have been fine and she would be with me now watching me grow up, and cheer at my competitions , help me with boy problems and taking me to self care days like other mothers and daughters

But I was selfish and now I'm paying the price of it

I don't know how much time I spent in the shower but I knew it was a lot so I had to get out and get ready for the day but I soon realised I couldn't breathe well

I heard myself wheezing and my chest was getting tighter and the steams of the shower certainly didn't help

I had severe asthma when I was a kid but for some reason it got better by the years and I would only have asthma attacks when I overworked myself

Guess thinking about your dead mother in a shower full of steam while having an anxiety attack can overwork your body

I got dressed quickly trying my best to calm myself and breathe but now it was getting even harder that I had to gasp

I tried finding my inhaler but I have a lot of months to use it and I couldn't find it so I decided to go downstairs to the guys to help me find it before I actually pass out

"I-uh- I nee-need-my" I gasped as all the boys attention turned to me

When the understood what's going on the instantly got up from the couch and ran into me with worry in their eyes

"Anna calm down, take deep breaths and lay on the floor" Luke said

"I-I can't -f-find-inhaler" I gasped for air while throwing words so they could understand

"It's okay we will find it for you now try and take a deep breath with me okay?" Luke took a deep breath and I tried to copy him but I couldn't so I started gasping harder

"Calum, guys I need the inhaler now her airway is closing she's going to pass out!"Luke screamed while I laid on the floor with my hands above my head trying to desperately breathe

"Found it!"Calum said and came running beside me lifting my head and putting the inhaler in my mouth

"Deep breath on 3 baby"

"1..,2..,3"

As soon as he said 3 he pushed the medicine in to my mouth and I inhaled as much as I could but I still felt like I couldn't breathe

Luke listened to my lungs with his stethoscope

"Calum give her another pump she still wheezing and her lungs don't sound good"

Calum put the inhaler in my mouth again and pumped another dose of medicine

This time I could feel a little bit better and my breathing was starting to calm down

After 10 minutes of laying on the floor with the guys checking me constantly I was back to normal

"Baby what caused this?" Michael asked

"Today is the 9th of February" I said almost whispering

"We know that baby girl , we didn't expect you to forget and but why did you have a full blown anxiety and asthma attack?"Calum asked

"I don't know I was just showering thinking of the day and I didn't realise it got so serious until I turned the water off" I said looking at my hands

"It's just like every year I'm reliving this day and I can't help it I just get overwhelmed"

"It's normal to feel this way, it's not something that you can forget ,we understand you don't have to be embarrassed"Luke said while rubbing my back

"Do you want to talk about it sweetheart?" Calum asked

"No I just want to watch a movie and move on, I'm sorry for scaring you I couldn't find my inhaler that's why I can downstairs"

"Honey you don't have to apologise for anything you should have came downstairs from the start"Luke said

The rest of day went by slowly and I couldn't get my mind of my mom but I managed to not have another anxiety attack

Soon it was late at night and I decided to say goodnight, kiss and thanked all of the guys for making this day bearable and I went to sleep

Before I closed my eyes I said what I say every year since her death

"I'm sorry mom , I love you"