Love's New Beginning (a Love Comes Softly fanfiction)

Without Her Mama

The room was quiet at last, little Missie's sobs finally stilled as she slipped into sleep. The tight grip of her small fingers on her father's hand eased at last and she gave a final sigh, turning over onto her side.

Clark Davis watched his daughter sleep for another few minutes. She was so beautiful, even with the tracks of tears still fresh on her cheeks.

He wiped at a tear on his own cheek. Missie had been crying for her mother, and it had taken all Clark's considerable strength to keep from joining her. If only Ellen were still here ... He and Missie were managing as best they could, but the cares of the farm and the house and the child were never-ending with no one else to help carry the burden. And the joys were halved with no one to share them with.

To think that only a few short months ago they had been a family, the three of them, Missie to enliven their days and Ellen's smiles to brighten the morning, her arms around him as he fell asleep at night. And then it was all over, and Ellen was gone, so suddenly. Missie had been lost without her mama. In so many ways she still was—and it would only get worse as she grew. A girl needed a mama, for the loving and the comforting and the little details, as well as the most basic necessities. Clark was all right with a needle for basic repairs, but the details of a little girl's wardrobe were beyond him, and Missie was rapidly outgrowing even the larger clothes her mama had made her.

He could have asked any of the neighbor women to help and they would have been glad to, Clark knew that, but he had a horror of appearing to be unable to care for his girl on his own. He didn't want any of them getting the idea that maybe they needed to step in for Missie's sake. It was undeniably true that he couldn't go on by himself forever, and he would have to face that someday, but ... not yet.

Looking at the empty bed where his Ellen had died, Clark shook his head. No, definitely not yet. He would have to be enough for now.

With a final touch of his hand to smooth Missie's tangled curls—and what a job it would be to unsnarl them in the morning, Missie screaming with every touch of the brush—he got to his feet. He needed to be doing the nightly choring, and clean up from the simple supper he'd made them, and then do some mending before trying to fall asleep alone in that bed, which seemed so much too big now that he was the only one in it.

Missie would climb from her crib and join him as soon as she awoke, and that would help some, but a mostly sleepless night lay between now and then, and Clark knew from too much experience that he would do better if he was as tired as possible before he lay down.

He thought again briefly of Ellen, of the emptiness she had left in his life, and in Missie's, before he softly pulled the door to, so that he could hear Missie if she fussed but she wouldn't be awakened by his movements around the house, and then hurried out to the barn to get through the chores as quickly as he could. It was unfair to the animals to rush through their care, he knew, but with Missie getting too big to carry on his back all the time, and too curious to allow to roam freely in the barn as yet while he worked, he had little other choice.

Late at night, he fell into bed, hoping to fall asleep even as his head hit the pillow, but sleep eluded him, and he lay awake, staring up at the ceiling, trying not to think, and feeling the loneliness fill him.

He couldn't go on like this. Something would have to be done. One way or another, Missie needed a mama, and he needed ... help.

"Dear God," he whispered into the darkness, "You know my needs, and Missie's, how hard we've been tryin' to make it work and how much we need Your guidance. Iffen You could find a way to help, to bring an answer, I would be grateful."

As always, taking his troubles to the Lord calmed Clark's thoughts, and finally his mind and body relaxed enough to sleep.