A Girl's Mind is a Dangerous Place

Chapter 50

A/N: The fact that I keep promising that THIS time I've got my shit together and the chapter will be on time, and then everything proves me wrong... I'm not even gonna make promises. I hate it, y'all probably don't like it, but ugh the universe is determined to hate me.

I've got a rash under my armpit that's NOT going away even though I stopped using deodorant over a month ago, knots in my back so bad they're making my fingers go numb sometimes and then if my roommate tries to massage it it literally HURTS like not the good hurt but like CRYING-hurting because my back is literal hell I guess, I STILL haven't filed my taxes, I STILL haven't transferred my 401k from my old job's agency to my new one's (even though I changed jobs over SIX MONTHS AGO), and all the stress is making my executive dysfunction even worse, to the point that I will literally stare at my computer screen for HOURS, doing NOTHING, as I tell myself to just pick a task and start – writing, making a dr's appointment, taxes, ANYTHING.

And then I do nothing.

And then I scream internally forever as I try to do something but keep failing in a never ending loop of WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!

Finally managed to request time off from my boss though, so that I can make the arrangements for having my sister come out and live with me, so at least I've done SOMETHING productive.

As far as the actual chapter goes, this one went through more intense editing than usual, an entire segment got completely re-written, which changed enough of how the chapter went that I had to make minor edits through the rest of it – personally I feel like the re-written segment improved it for the better, but honestly this fic sometimes feels like a tree and I'm staring at it wondering how it ever grew so big, because I thought they were FLOWER seeds or something.

I don't know, that analogy got away from me.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy!

Jiraiya does not get paid enough to deal with these brats.

He's got an unconscious kid, two more panicking ones, a sleazy merchant choking out his lungs while shiftily looking around for a way out, and an enemy shinobi he can just barely sense, already fleeing the scene.

Jiraiya makes a clone to pursue them, and then another to try and get the fire under control before it spreads.

And then, miraculously, Naruto and Sasuke start tying up their captured merchant before he can make good on his intent to bolt, and Jiraiya's left with just Pinky, sprawled in his arms and nose steadily leaking blood.

It's going to be a long day, he can already tell.

Jiraiya figures it's best not to stick around town, especially not when there could be any number of spies around to report his still-breathing merchant to the enemy shinobi. He could handle anyone they sent, of course, but the last thing he wants is the kids freaking out, or worse - trying to get involved.

Kami-sama these brats have the worst luck.

He scoops up their quarry, coughing weakly and demanding to be released, and gestures for the kids to pick up their teammate.

"We're heading back to our camp," he says, watching in amusement as Naruto all but forces Sasuke to carry their unconscious trouble-maker.

He'd ask, he really wants to, because Naruto's been practically attached to Pinky for as long as Jiraiya's been with the team, but he can't risk knocking their merchant unconscious and giving him health complications, so...