Remorse- Yaman realises all his sins.

Chapter 14

"You are the one star I wish upon nightly, praying your glory will fall from the heavens and land in my undeserving arms."

-Richelle E. Goodrich

Yaman looked at Seher and his heart was torn to shreds seeing her cowering like this. Cursing himself, he completed her thoughts in his mind ,"This room reminds you of the times when....when I hurt you so much? When I tormented you with my venomous and hateful words. When I hurt your innocence by punishing you with my harsh behaviour and actions, right? " He did not have the guts to look into her eyes or even respond to her.

Seher struggled to control her emotions and eventually turned to look at him. She was in extreme agony as she spoke, "You know what love is?It is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to. I feel I have been destroyed by a storm. Trust cannot be put back magically after being broken systematically over time. I have scars in my heart which I cannot even show you. Your distrust has scarred me and put a mortal fear in me of love and marriage. If this is what a relationship between husband and wife is like, I wish we had never married. You cannot understand the fear and hurt I went through. A man having complete control over me and humiliating me everyday. Someone I accepted as family and loved and trusted implicitly.After my father, you were the only person I trusted and opened up to. I used to feel as safe with you as I used to with my Baba. You were my giant tree of support which I thought would always give me shade. But you destroyed everything. Coming in this room everyday to an angry you shattered my trust to smithereens.
My heart needs to come to terms with this new you and new version of the world I am in now. I just need distance from everything...even my own thoughts. If everything is as it is after I have found myself, I will come back to you. Else, maybe you without me will be a happier us, separately." She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and then taking a long breath as if to brace herself,said again, "Also, I want to shift to my old room. I will move my things there, tomorrow."

Hearing this, Yaman felt his life was being blown to kingdom come. All that he held dear in life was shattering to pieces in front of him. HE COULD NOT LOSE HER !! HE would die without her!! She had become his reason for existence. His heart beat only for her. When he didn't get to see her, he felt as if his life had been snuffed out of him. He was afraid to even imagine not having her presence in this bedroom. He lived and breathed because she was in front of his eyes. He could do anything to just see her smile again and the twinkle back in her eyes.

But he knew he had hurt her beyond measure. He had no right to say anything except respect her decision and pray with all his heart that she would come back to him. He would keep repenting and do everything in his power to make her realise how sorry he was.

He said,"I respect your decision, Seher. I will wait for you to come back with my arms wide open. I will become the man who is deserving of you ! I will spend my entire life waiting for you, if need be. You know my decision. I WILL NOT give up on this marriage. NOT IN THIS LIFE !! I leave your decision upto you, whatever it shall be. I will welcome everything that comes from you."

Saying this he got up, brought her shawl from her cupboard and wrapping it around her shoulders, he said, "I will leave you to rest. It has been a long day for you." Saying this he left the room.

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Yaman was standing on the terrace and looking up at the starlit night sky. He wanted to get down on his knees and ask God to give him one more chance with Seher. She was his life. How could he have hurt her so much ??

He had heard that if one prayed long enough and with utmost sincerity, God listens and grants such prayers. For the first time in his life, Yaman Kirimli closed his eyes, bowed his head and prayed to God. He prayed and prayed until he was purged of all his fears, misgivings and dismay of losing Seher. All the hurt he had inflicted on Seher was flowing by way of tears through his eyes. He prayed- he prayed for Seher; he prayed for their relationship and he prayed to win back his Seher, like he had never prayed for anything before.

It had been more than an hour and a half since Yaman had left the room. He thought Seher might have slept by now and decided to come back to the room. He had not wanted her to be uncomfortable in his presence and hence had waited outside; till he thought she might have gone to sleep.

The moment Yaman entered the room, he saw a flustered Seher just wearing her undershirt and holding a crumpled nightshirt in her hand and hiding herself with it. There were tears of frustration in her eyes. Seeing him, she ran to hide behind the bedroom door and shrieked, "Don't come in, please."

There was a note of panic in her voice.
He tried to comfort her and said, "Tamam, Tamam. Easy. I wouldn't come in. Don't worry. I am going out. My apologies."

Saying this he closed the door and went outside to sit in his work room. When more than ten minutes had elapsed and he didn't hear anything from inside, he knocked gently and asked if everything was okay. He heard Seher's whimpering voice from the inside. Yaman said, "Seher are you okay?? I am coming in.I would not look, I promise. Just let me know what is the matter?"

He heard Seher crying and saying in a defeated voice, "W-would anyone be available this time? Neslihan or Adalet Abla???"

Now Yaman was really concerned about her! He looked at his watch and said," It is half past one and they must have all retired for the night. Do you want me to call them? I can ask them to come up here."

When he did not receive any response from her, he said quietly, "Can I do anything to help you?? Let me know what is the matter?"

Seher was mortified and intensely ashamed now. She was a nervous wreck and just wanted to run away. She had hurt her right hand while taking out clothes from her drawer and now her bra hook was entangled in her undershirt and she had been trying to open it with one hand but was unable to do so. She didn't know what to do.

Yaman called out again and said, "I am coming in, NOW!" He knew by now that she was in a fix but unwilling to divulge due to embarrassment. He crashed open the door and once inside the room, he saw her tightly holding her shirt close to her bosom to cover herself. She was standing there with her big green eyes full of alarm. He came to stand a safe distance from her, averted his eyes and asked in a gentle tone, "What is the matter? Tell me."

To be continued.

Note:- My apologies for delay in posting this chapter. I have been down with viral fever and will try to post the next chapter soon, as soon as I get well. 🙏