Second time lucky

2

Two days. 48 hours. I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, the one person I needed more than anything wouldn't take my calls or respond to my messages.

Ever since Derek and Averleigh broke the news to me the other day I have been back in that shell of darkness that I had been desperately trying to get out of, except this time it wasn't from heartbreak.

It was fear.

His trial was coming up meaning that I would have to testify, Kyle would have to testify, I would have to face him again and there was a chance that he could get out.

There was only one person that could help me, one person in the world that knew how to make everything better. I needed him.

"I know you don't want to talk to me Riles but I really just need to hear your voice, hear you tell me it's going to be okay?" The tears fell as I typed out my message.

"Carl's trial is in two weeks and I really need you. I understand if you want to leave right after and not talk to me, but please will you come? I can't face him on my own."

I hit send and dropped my phone on the bed. I didn't expect a response. After six months of being ignored I didn't have much hope left in me that he wanted to be there for me anymore.

Maybe he had read the note I left him and this was his way of telling me that he wasn't ready to be a father, that he didn't see the same future for us that he once had.

Or maybe he had already moved on, met someone new at one of those notorious college parties and decided that we were better left in the past.

There was no way to know.

I decided to take a shower, I needed to relax and hopefully the hot water would soothe my muscles enough to calm me so I could sleep.

I left my phone on the bed and stepped into the shower letting myself breathe in the steam. I just stood there staring at the wall taking deep breaths in and out as the faint sound of my ringtone came through the bathroom door.

I assumed it was just Anna, Kyle or Averleigh checking on me after the news. I had been avoiding everyone the last two days and even though I knew I shouldn't, I needed time to process the news.

When I climbed out of the shower I wrapped my towel around myself before going back in my bedroom to put clothes on.

When I flopped back down on my bed I turned my phone over, just to make sure it wasn't my parents. I was sure they knew about the trial by now and I didn't want them worrying about me.

When I tapped the screen my heart raced at the name of the missed call on the screen. I had to do a double take just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Nervously I hit the play button to listen.

"Hey erm Britt, it's me. I know it's been a while, but I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry. I have so much to tell you, to explain, and we'll ... I knew about his trial, mom told me. I'll do my best to be there. I miss you, bye."

I wish I could say that I was mad at him, that I didn't care if he missed me or not. The hell I had gone through the last six months was because of him, but yet hearing the sound of his voice made me instantly feel better.

My mind was clear for what felt like the first time in forever. That small message that I played over and over, the simple sound of his voice, giving me more energy and fight than I could ever muster on my own.

It was almost like watching one small ember smoldering beneath a stack of sticks as you blow on it, holding out the hope that somehow you can give it enough power to light a fire.

That small ember of light and heat was still there smoldering inside my heart, and no matter how much I tried to ignore it or push it away, the ember never completely extinguished.

I actually managed to sleep after listening to that voicemail. I didn't try to call him back, it was beyond late and I knew he probably had classes in the morning. I did however send him a text to thank him for responding before closing my eyes.

.....

I had replayed that voicemail a million times over the next couple of days before I finally answered Averleighs call.

"Hey." I answered.

"He sweetie, how are you holding up?" She asked.

"Better." I replied. I wanted to talk to her, but I needed to do it face to face. "Do you mind if I come over? I actually really need to talk to you." I admitted.

"Of course you can. Anna is dying to see you too but she won't be back until later."

Once we hung up I got dressed and drove over to the house. I hadn't been here since the day he left me and honestly it was a weird feeling. This house held not only the best memories, but also one of the worst ones that I had.

I pulled the keys from the ignition and made my way up the steps to the front door. Was I supposed to knock now we weren't together? At least I assumed we weren't since he ignored me for six months, and yet his text was almost as if he had just been gone a few days and nothing had changed between us.

I was about to knock when the door opened and the twins ran out.

"Hey Britt, bye Britt!" They said barely noticing me as they ran to the truck.

"Don't mind them, they have a book signing with one of their favorite authors to get too!" Spencer smiled as he walked out. "It's good to see you Britt" he pulled me into a hug. "Place ain't the same without you, Averleigh is in the shower but you know where everything is."

And then he was gone, hurrying behind the twins as they yelled at him for taking too long. I couldn't help the laugh that escaped me as I closed the door and set my purse down.

I sat down in the living room and waited until Averleigh came downstairs. She didn't give me a chance to say hi as I stood up, instead wrapping me in a tight hug.

"We've really missed you the last few months. How is everything?" She asked as we both sat back down.

"It's been okay, I have another scan coming up soon but they said everything looks good so far."

"Well that's good, do you know what you need yet? I know you still haven't told people yet but we will help you however we can."

"I know thanks."

"Yeah no problem. It's my first grandchild so I'm pretty excited." She beamed "Anyway how are you, like you yourself?"

"I'm doing okay." I sighed. "Kyle has been there for me a lot, although he kind of freaked out on me the other day when he was drunk and noticed my belly"

"Well that's good, I know things have been hard for you since Riley left. I just hope you know that we didn't know he was going to do that and Spencer said he was going to talk to him." She smiled sympathetically.

"It's okay, I know you didn't know. He called me last night actually."

"Oh really?" She said inquisitively.

"Yeah, I had texted him about the trial and he called while I was in the shower and left me a voicemail. It was a relief you know, hearing his voice. I actually managed to sleep since I found out about the trial."

I picked at my fingernails as I took a deep breath. "Averleigh how do I get over him? I know he's your son, but it doesn't matter how much I distract myself or how much I try to hate him I just can't. I just keep playing the message over and over."

She pulled me into her arms and lowered her voice.
"I don't have an answer for you Britt. I wish I did, but it can take days or months or forever it just depends on how strong your feelings were. Did you tell him about the baby yet?"

"No, he won't answer my calls and I don't know if he listened to any of the voicemails I left him."

"I'll talk to him." She stated as the front door closed.

"Mom!" Anna's voice whined. "I need you to ..." she stopped as she came around the corner before squealing loudly "oh my god Britt!!!"