The Precise Art Of Staying Alive

Chapter 43 - The Precise Art Of Nicole's Secret

"Does it mean anything to you?" Theo asked. I had no doubt that my face had given away everything, but I nodded hesitantly.

"Yes, but I thought we weren't trying to find out each other's secrets. It just seems wrong." I said, somewhat hypocritically. Despite our allegiance to each other, I was interested in what the others secrets were, and they must've felt the same. I'd already begun to guess what the other's secrets were, and although they were all pretty much shots in the dark, I had tried to piece together some of the puzzle around everyone's situations. The fact that I had even attempted to do such a thing dissolved all moral high-ground that I had over Theo, but he didn't need to know that.

"I'm aware of that. The problem is that I simply don't trust the others. I want to, and I try to, to an extent, but I'm just unable to ignore the fact that one of them could be a murderer." Theo said awkwardly, his words becoming more formal the way that they did when he was nervous, his English accent becoming more obvious than ever.

"But you trust me?" I asked quietly, my voice small. Theo laughed quietly, before giving me an easy grin.

"Naturally. Everyone trusts you Rhea." He said lightly. I flushed slightly and shifted on my feet, unsure of how to respond to the compliment. Theo smirked slightly, before the expression dropped off his face, replaced by a suspicious glare.

"Is this your way of trying to change the subject so that you don't have to tell me what you know about the clue?" He asked, his eyes narrowed. Maybe.

"No, I guess I just got side-tracked. The address is one of my friend's house, but it doesn't have anything to do with my secret." I said haltingly, not wanting to give too much again. Theo's eyes widened as he put the connection together.

"So it must be Nicole's." He said, glancing at my hand, which still held the clue. I nodded slightly, trying to ignore the raw feeling in my throat. I didn't want to betray Nicole, but I also didn't want to lie to Theo. There was something undeniably charismatic about him, something that made me want to trust him, to tell him everything. Well, not everything. I wasn't that stupid.

"The 14th of February last year was the date that Will and Nicole got together. Will liked her for ages, and almost the whole year went to a party - one at the address written on the clue. It was when she decided to ask him out." I said, my voice shaking as I began talking about it. Remembering Will, so alive, light and bright and happy, hurt. He'd always been so innocent, so pure, not wanting any part in the cruel games that other played. And then, just like that, he was dead.

"Do you know what Nicole's secret might be?" Theo asked me cautiously, as if he were unsure of how I would react. Truth be told, I was unsure of how I might react. Eventually, I just shook my head helplessly.

"I have no idea." But I was going to find out.

A couple of minutes later, I was standing outside Nicole's room, which, judging by the crashes and following curses, she was tearing apart to find clues. I didn't bother to knock, didn't allow myself the time to collect myself, turn around and run in the other direction. I pushed open the door, stepping into the room, clue in hand. Nicole turned from where she was crouched near her bed, shaking out the contents of her pillow case, which, unsurprisingly, was a pillow and nothing else, and when she saw me, a slight smile crossed her face. However, when her eyes travelled to my face, and the solemn, slightly regretful look on it, the smile disappeared.

"Is everything quite alright?" Nicole asked carefully, slowly standing up. I paused, contemplating how much of the truth to give away, before holding the clue up in clear view of Nicole.

"I found a clue." I said quietly. Nicole's eyes flicked to the clue, as fast as lightning, and her face paled, her eyes suddenly stark blue against her skin.

"I suppose you're not here to discuss who it might be about with me, are you?" Nicole said darkly, their voice flat.

"I'm sorry. After I found it, the rest kind of just fell into place." I said, handing Nicole the clue. Nicole's eyes flicked over the clue, and sadness flickered in them.

"Riley's house. And the day that Will and I got together." Nicole said softly.

"Why would the clue to your secret include that specific place and night?" I prompted. I'd been at the party for a little while, just enough to enjoy the music, dance and catch a glimpse of Nadia, before I'd had to leave. But Nicole had stayed, somewhat unexpectedly. She'd promised me that she was going to be fine and disappeared into the crowd. But clearly, something had happened that night. Something big enough that when she awoke the next morning, she had acquired a secret that she would risk everything to hide. Nicole sighed, sitting down on her bed and pressing an elegant hand to her temple.

"That night...I barely remember it. I was ecstatic at the idea that Will might've liked me, not that I would've let anyone know it. I wanted the world to dance around me, to lose myself, just for once. It was all perfect. One moment I was talking, laughing, dancing, and the next, I was sitting on the balcony with Will, and I was telling him I liked him. The next thing I knew, he was taking me home and kissing me at the door, like it was an old romance movie. I wish i could remember every detail, but the more I try to hold onto it, the more it slips away." Nicole said, her voice unexpectedly dreamy and soft, as if she were a million miles away. She sounded as if she were telling a fairy tale, and her eyes were sparkling.

"You don't have to tell me what happened. I'm sorry, I didn't want to bring up any painful memories for you. And, you're right. It does sound perfect." I said, sitting next to her. Nicole leaned her head against my shoulder, her gaze fixed on the wall.

"Unfortunately, it only sounds perfect. I want to tell you anyway. I want you to trust me Rhy." Nicole said, turning to me, urgency in her eyes.

"Of course I trust you Nicole. I just want you to be okay." Nicole nodded, turning back to the wall.

"I still don't remember much of what happened, but just after I'd told Will how I felt, and he'd asked me out, he'd left me alone for a while, probably so I wouldn't be overwhelmed. I remember thinking, and just feeling like I was being tied down, like he was trapping me, trying to control me. I wanted to prove that I didn't belong to Will, didn't belong to anyone, and that I could do whatever the hell I wanted. So, when someone came up to me, asking if I happened to be single, I said yes. And then, I kissed them. I don't even remember who it was." Nicole said simply, emotion carefully absent in their voice.

"It's okay. Will wouldn't have minded, honestly, he'd have understood. It was something new, and strange, and scary, and you panicked." I reassured her.

"I know he wouldn't have minded. That's the worst part. He was so sweet and so in love with me that he wouldn't have minded if I cheated on him, as long as I still loved him. And that, however great it is, just feels wrong. I shouldn't have had someone so perfect." Nicole exclaimed helplessly.

"It's not wrong. He loved you Nicole, and there was a reason for that." I said softly. Nicole sighed, putting both hands to the side of her head as if she had a headache.

"I just want to go home to Will. I want to see his stupid, beautiful face and for him to assure me that everything's okay. I want him to try to drag me along to his races and games and to argue about it and end up going anyway. But he's gone." Nicole half-screamed into her hands. I could've said something, could've reassured her, but I had no idea of what to say. I understood her, understood her too well. When Nadia had died, the pain that I'd felt was beyond words, deep to tear gaping holes through me and leave them burning and ragged. So instead of saying meaningless words, I leant beside Nicole, staring at the same wall that her gaze was fixed on.

"I know."