An Irishman's Pledge

Chapter 4

Will pressed through the deluge that had started as a light summer rain. He had a room rented at the Two Crowns, so that's where he headed. He hadn't intended such an exit from the party, and his head was still reeling from the change.

When he'd arrived at Madame Freeman's house, Maggie's relieved and excited expression had rekindled a small flame of hope that she might have reconsidered how she felt about his unspoken proposal. The still present sting of rejection caused him to falter and he had brushed her aside. His anxiety over whether or not he should confront her with his feelings and force her to make a choice had warred inside him all afternoon. But when he had seen how naturally she had taken to the pomp and procedure of society life, he once again lost his nerve.

He had tried to regain his courage while dressing for the party. He had rid himself of most of his jitters by the time he was ready, but his first glimpse of Maggie, in the greeting line with a smartly dressed man lingering over her hand, had been enough to sour his evening. It had not helped that  Maggie had looked all too pleased and impressed by the man's attentions. To make matters worse, everywhere he looked, the same clean cut man happened to be bowing or conversing, drawing blushing smiles or disapproving matronly stares in his wake. Will couldn't keep his eyes from the trail the fellow made around the room.

By the time the dancing started, Will was too agitated to speak. He had promised Madame Freeman to open the floor with Maggie as his partner and he had thought to use the moments of closeness to convey his feelings, but when she smiled and took his hand to follow him to the floor, the thought died. Here he was wrestling with the turmoil of his future and heartache, and she was enjoying the party without any reservations. With effort, he made it through the dance. He deposited Maggie and left the room to try and compose himself, his current expression and mood sure to alarm any of Madame Freeman's guests that might notice him. 

When he eventually returned to the ball room, he wished he hadn't. His attention was inexplicably drawn to Maggie, as it always was, and unrest began to build again inside him with each set as partners flocked to her side, each one more eager than the last. Tension grew inside him as he watched each dance, and soon he was perspiring like mad and his cravat threatened to choke him.

Finally at his limit, he sought refuge in the bed chamber Madame Freeman had prepared for him. He paced the floor like a caged animal as he shucked the borrowed finery from his body and changed in to his woodland garb once again. 

The longer he paced, the more his agitated energy wore off and the clearer his mind became. Eventually he stopped pacing. Maggie had told him all along that she belonged here. She had been saying it all her life. He was the one that had been fooling himself. And it had taken seeing her here, seeing her interact with the social elites, seeing her ensconced fully in this world for him to truly understand. She did belong here. She belonged to these people, to each princess and dandy whose approval she sought. And he didn't.

The blow shook him hard and he'd actually needed to take a seat to process it while his heart pounded in his ears. He hadn't expected to be so shocked at the realization. It wasn't actually new information. The despair he felt however, was new. The future he'd imagined for well over a decade was in shambles. He had loved Maggie for so long and imagined her in so many dreams of his future that it almost felt as if he had lived them already. 

The striped papered walls of the bed chamber seemed to close in on him. It  was suddenly all too much. He threw his meager belongings together. He had done his duty for his friend and his host and he had nothing left to keep him there.

His moccasins and the carpet runners muffled his footsteps through the hall and down the stairs. It seemed his departure would go unnoticed, until Maggie's voice startled him as he had reached the front door. He had contemplated ignoring her. He had wanted to. But that  familiar clench of his heart had stopped him. He had had to say good bye one last time.