Artlo

Grey World

I say all those things, but if you're an artist, you should know how hard it is to decide where to start drawing, what to draw, and how to portray your ideas. The world is a blank canvas, but it's size is overwhelming even for the best of the best. Heck, even a small canvas would be hard enough.

I'd be afraid to choose the colors I want to put, cause one wrong pick and I might ruin the drawing. I would want to know what I exactly want to create and be precise and as detailed about it as possible, or else it would look ugly. I want to know where I'll put a shape, put a color, put a shade, put a light, everything, so in the end of the journey, it would look beautiful.

However, the mind of an artist isn't that simple, it's complicated, in a complicated way. Even after you planned everything out, even with every speck of detail you want to create, the sound of self doubt speaks louder than anything else your mind thinks of. They would meet someone who has the exact same abilities as them, but see their artworks are more amazing than theirs, and they try to hide it. They'd scratch the plans they spent a lot of time on, and create new ones, and this cycle repeats again and again, and everytime they do it, the doubt in themselves grow bigger and bigger, until they're afraid to try even holding the pen.

Why do they do this? Simple, artists are very... Very competitive, even if they don't show it. Artists are very attention hungry, even if they're humble. Sure, not everyone is like this, but I know, everyone wants to have a chance to get the spotlight, even if it's once in a blue moon. The compliments they get build them up, as they are fragile. This also means one word launched like an arrow to their heads would break them easily. It's imprisoning.
All you would think of is just the guilt of not doing enough.

The world is a blank canvas, but that's just it. No matter how big it is, after you painted every corner of it, what then? Would you feel better about yourself? Would you be satisfied? In the end the claps and applause of the people who joined you throughout ages of pain would only last a few minutes.

You could get money, fame, power, everything. You could be satisfied with it, but me, I don't know, I haven't experienced these.

However if I did, I don't think I would be satisfied. I'd still be in this prison of guilt, and I would want to break out of it. Fuck the canvas, if I can draw on it, then I'll paint on it. The floor, the walls, windows, boards, ceilings, stairs, everything. No more holding back, no more of thinking too much. Fuck aesthetic, fuck palettes, fuck lines, fuck shapes, fuck everything, just draw. What do I draw? I don't give a shit, I could draw flowers that look like they were made by a five year old but also create a perfect replica of the field and the horizon. That's right, I personally think to get out of this prison, just don't give a fuck anymore. However it doesn't mean you should just fuck around with your art. It'd look like a joke. Draw loosely, but don't lose sight of the idea what you want to portray.

You'd think you made a mess but when you look back at your "detailed" canvas, it looks flat compared to the jumble of shit you threw in together with all your heart poured into it. It's like you could breathe so much better.

If you're an artist, have a free mind. Draw for yourself and be content and be a dreamer at the same time. Don't be afraid of drawing things you can't draw, because if you are, you never will draw again.