Gems [A Dan Howell/Danisnotonfire fanfiction]

Chapter 6

I sighed. I guess I'll have to tell him. I stared at the floor for a while, subconsciously drawing patterns with my fingers on the pavers while thinking about how I'm going to start. Dan waited patiently for me.

"My mum died while giving birth to me. I never knew her, but I'm not really sad about it. I know I sound stupid and it's probably wrong but I can't miss someone I never knew. But I have never had a kind figure in my life as my mother may have been. I was left with my abusive Dad." I stopped to look up at Dan. I told him that my dad was abusive and that was something I had never done before. Maybe it was a bad idea...but when I looked in his eyes I saw no judgement. Only empathy and kindness. So I kept going.

"Since a young age, he bet me and starved me. I hated it, but I didn't know any different. When I started school though-" I felt a lump rise in my throat. "All the kids - and their loving parents and -" I was going to breakdown soon. Dan grabbed my hand reassuringly. "I knew this wasn't normal. We got taught about abuse at school and I knew what it was and how bad it is...but Dad is a cunning person. He knew all of my weakness and threatened me not to tell anyone. So I kept quiet. That doesn't mean I didn't attempt suicide a few times..." I can't believe I just said that. I had sworn to never tell anyone that, but it just spilled out of me. I felt wetness on my cheeks and quickly wiped it away, hoping Dan wouldn't see. He did though, of course. He squeezed my hand, encouraging me to keep going. "By the time I was in secondary school, you wouldn't believe the torture he was putting me through. I discovered youtubers a few years ago and you guys gave me strength to believe that I could carry on and that I have a purpose in life. I don't believe it anymore, but that small flame of hope helped me through a lot." We sat in silence on the cold pavement. I could see his mind ticking over, contemplating every word I had just spoken. Then he pulled me into a giant hug, cradling me on his lap. I grasped onto his sweater and buried my head into his chest, glad to have comfort from someone who cared. When I looked up at his big brown eyes, he asked me something.

"Tell me one thing Gemma. Are...did your Dad ever sexually abuse you?" My lip quivered and I nodded, only then having a full-on meltdown. He held me tenderly as I cried out all of the pain I had held inside for 17 years. I'm sure people were giving us looks, but I could give a fuck. I just cried and cried. Dan whispered in my ear, "You are a trooper Gemma Colby. You don't deserve all of the horrible things that have happened to you, but they happened and you stood through them strong. And you will continue to be strong, okay? Things will get better, I promise."

I slid off of his lap and used my clothes to dry my eyes. As I was doing so, a group of 2 girls and 1 guy, about 15 years old, came over to Dan asking for pictures. Subscribers obviously, and huge fans. They eyed me awkwardly but didn't ask any questions. I almost laughed thinking about how ridiculous this whole scene must look. Dan agreed to take pictures and smiled perfectly, showing off his dimples. His smile made me want to smile too.

After they had gone, Dan looked at me seriously. "Have you ever tried to run away?" he asked. I shook my head no.

"I'm afraid of being on my own on these streets, there's no way I could make it. But don't worry, I only have one more month before I turn 18 and can move out. I'll be fine."

"4 more weeks with that monster! I won't allow it! Look what he has done to you! Do you even know what it is to be happy and content without constantly living in fear? Gemma, run away. Come live with Phil and I." Live...with...Dan...and...Phil....it sounded like a dream. But could I do it?