🍼Hey Angel \\ little Hyunjin🍼

Last choice

Chan's POV.:

I barely made it out the front door before the first tear ran down my cheek. We had had such a great day, never would I have imagined it to end like this. The way Hyunjin had snuggled up to me for our nap this afternoon, it had felt really special to me. I really thought what we had was special and I had felt honored that he trusted me enough to show me his little side. Yet, he never told me about it willingly, I had only found out about it by walking in on him. Thinking that he told the other members but not me hurt so bad. What made him think that he couldn't come to me with his worries? I knew I spend most of my time at the studio and get pretty stressed but I always made sure to be there for my dongsaengs at the same time, at least I had thought so because apparently, it didn't feel like that to them. It's no big deal that I wasn't the first person he told about his littlespace but I wasn't his second choice either. That was the issue, I was his very last choice or not even a choice really because when I had walked in on him, he didn't have a choice anymore. Had he been scared of me? If so, I have failed him as a leader and hyung.

It was still raining outside but where should I go. If the weather was I tad bit better, I could have gone on a walk to clear my head but getting soaked didn't sound too appealing. I couldn't go back to the dorm, just being there hurt and made me angry. Not really angry at my members or at Jinnie, I could never be mad at the little, but rather mad at myself for failing to be a trustworthy enough hyung to them. I had always tried my hardest for them but apparently, it wasn't enough. Usually when I needed to take my mind off of things, I would go to the studio and distract myself by making music but what if that exactly was the mistake I had made? What if me constantly being at the studio instead of being with my members had estranged me from my group? I had to go back and spend more time with them, with Jinnie, but right now wasn't the time. I'd have to be in the right state of mind, which I certainly wasn't at the moment. At the moment, I couldn't even stop the tears from running down my face. How pathetic, no wonder I wasn't the right person to make Jinnie feel safe and protected.

The studio was really the only escape I could think of, though I'd have to walk through the rain for a bit. I put my hood up and jogged to the company building. By the time I made it inside, my hair was only a bit damp. Taking off my wet hoodie, I discovered with relief that my t-shirt had stayed dry. The cold air had helped me to calm down enough to stop crying but my eyes were still burning and I felt like I'd break down again any second. Hopefully I'd be able to make it to my studio without running into anyone because I surely looked like a mess. Too bad I had to pass the dance rooms on my way to the studio. I had almost made it past, when one of the doors opened. Got7 had just finished their practice and though I was pretty good friends with them, I just didn't want to see anyone right now. I needed to be alone. "Hey, you okay?", Jackson asked worriedly. Not trusting my voice, I just nodded and continued walking. Then there was a hand on my shoulder. Of course, I couldn't fool my best friend. "You can go back without me guys, I'll join you later", Bambam announced, hooking his arm under mine as he led me to the studio. He really knew me all too well, figuring out where I'd want to go when I wasn't all that okay.

I let us into the studio and Bambam closed the door behind us. When he turned around to get a better look at me, I was already crying again. He took the wet hoodie from me and threw it over the back of my chair before pulling me into a hug. In a feeble attempt to regain control over myself, I bit down on my lip but wasn't able to suppress a sob. My phone started ringing. Bambam guided me to the couch and took my phone. It soon stopped ringing and he handed it back, sighing: "Do you want to talk about it?" Talking about things with him often helped but how could I talk when I couldn't even stop crying? Yet I nodded, drawing in a deep breath as I tried to calm myself enough to talk. Just as I wanted to start, another sob tore from my throat. "It's okay, take your time. There's no rush", my best friend hummed, rubbing my back as I scrubbed my sleeves over my eyes. The last time he had seen me that worked up must have been when Felix had gotten eliminated. "Hyung, what was it like when Yugyeom came out to your group as a little?", I asked shakily, my voice cracking at the end. Their maknae was a little like Hyunjin and I had been over a few times while he was in his headspace, so I knew he was pretty open about his regression, at least with people he considered friends.