starmaiden | eleventh doctor

1.2 - Eyes of A Soulmate

1.2 – Eyes of A Soulmate

ASTRAEA'S POV

I was bundled up underneath a fluffy blanket, a mug filled with hot chocolate in my hand and a book in the other. The TARDIS' library. I had discovered it a few days ago after the whole Venice ordeal and hadn't left since. No, I hadn't slept in three days, but I guess that doesn't really mean much now that I know what I am. However, I was starting to feel tired.

The brown leather couch was so comfortable, and sleep was calling my name. I refused to fall into slumber. The memories from days ago had left me scared to close my eyes. I didn't want to remember but I also did at the same time. I'd been avoiding the others, scared to talk, scared to feel those sharp jabs in my brain. Taking deep breaths I allow the sound of the crackling fire to calm me. The TARDIS had done me a favour by adding a fire in here after she heard me complaining to myself about how the Doctor never has the heating on. The only person the TARDIS and I had let in was Amy occasionally when I wanted a refill of tea or hot chocolate. She had promised not to tell the Doctor where I was and didn't push for answers. She was so very supportive and has become my best friend, beside the TARDIS of course.

Honestly, I could feel the Doctor's worry all the way from the console room. No, he had yet to find me. After spending the first day creating a bond with the TARDIS, she had helped me hide for the next two, all the way to this point. Constantly moving the library around the halls whenever the Doctor got close. I assumed he figured out that's where I am, the only room he can't seem to find. Considering it also wasn't in its usual place.

"He really is worried, hm?" I chuckled to myself and placed the mug from my hands on the small coffee table in front of me. Glancing down at the book in my hand, I sighed. "Do you think we should let him find me?" The TARDIS hums and I knew she was answering yes to my question. "Ok, let him find me."

Not even minutes later I hear a voice from the door way.

"I suspected this is where you've been," the Doctor walks over and sits at the other end of the three-seat couch. My back was pressed against the corner, legs bent onto the middle seat. "There's a fireplace now?"

"She put it there for me," I smile without making eye contact with him.

"Clearly, she likes you. Explain how you managed to get a hot chocolate in here without leaving?"

"Amy," I finally look over to him. His tweed jacket had been discarded and hung over the back of the couch. His sleeves were rolled up, hair messy atop his head. The red bowtie and suspenders remained in their usually places. The Doctor had definitely been maintaining the TARDIS.

"So you let her find you?"

"Don't get jealous, I didn't talk to her about my problems. She was simply kind enough to fill my mug." I gesture my head over to the mug on the coffee table. "Now, I know you have questions and you're holding back from asking them."

"I don't want you to hide again," the Doctor's green eyes flick between me and the fire. His fingers fiddled with each other in his lap.

"We let you find me knowing you would have questions," my eyes looked around at the TARDIS.

"Why did you finally let me find you?"

"Are you kidding? I could feel you worrying from here and the longer I hid the worse it got."

"You did just disappear without a word," he leans forward and grabs the book from my hand. "Ah, a very popular book on Gallifrey."

"I thought that maybe I might remember more if I read books from home. Maybe the language would trigger something."

"Any luck?" He gives the book back.

"No," I shake my head. "I'm kind of relieved to be honest. Last time it was quite painful."

"What do you remember?" The Doctor finally asks.

"Little things like my age, my faces." I start, pausing for a moment. "I remembered the time war. The screams, the burning, the pain." A lone tear leaks from my eye leaving a glimmering trail as it falls. "I still can't remember if I had a family or friends. I can't remember how I survived."

"I won't ask if you're okay because that would be dumb," the Doctor takes one of my hands between his. "But I will let you know that I'm here. I mean, sometimes I suppose I can be a pain to talk to- and I don't know if I'm good at the whole comfort thing in this body? Maybe-"

"Doctor!" I cut him off from his rambling, sitting up properly and leaning forward slightly. He looks directly in my eyes and I knew in that moment, he would always be there. Even if he were late, or even if he happened to be early, he would be there if I needed him in my long life. "Thank you," I smile and allow the tears to flow freely out of my eyes. The tears that had been bottled up for years, the tears I could never cry because I was frozen in time. The Doctor lifts a hand from holding mine and tucks some hair that had fallen in my face behind my ear.

"Don't hide from me," his voice was barely above a whisper. Only then did I notice how much closer he had gotten, faces only an inch apart. I shake my head with a small smile on my lips, and that's when his connected with mine. The feeling of his thumb caressing my cheek, his soft but slightly chapped lips moulding perfectly to mine. I felt safe, I felt comfort, I felt like this is how it was supposed to be. Through the salty taste of my tears, I could taste the vanilla custard I guessed he had eaten earlier. It was a moment I wished never had to end, but unfortunately it did. The Doctor's forehead rested on mine, the two of us breathing heavily.

"I still don't understand." I could feel his breath on my lips as I spoke and I wanted nothing more than to lean in again.

"What?"

"Who you are to me," my hand lifts to rest on the side of his neck. "Why I feel like I've known you forever. Why I know how you're feeling. Why my pain disappears a little when you touch me."

"Did you know your eyes sometimes glow a golden colour? Just like they are right now." He asks, pulling his forehead off mine, but not failing to pull me onto his lap. My body curls up comfortably and my head rests on his chest. His two heartbeats bringing the comfort that confused me so much.

"No?"

"When a Timelady meets her soulmate, her eyes will glow golden." The Doctor's long fingers run through my hair. "It happens when they experience an overload of emotion or feeling."

"You mean-?" My head lifts from his chest, staring deep into his green eyes.

"Hello, darling." His soft smile was inviting, it was warm.

"Why don't yours glow?" I ignore the pounding of my hearts against my chest.

"I don't know, I guess that's just not how it works."

"You aren't just acting like this because of the whole soulmate thing right?"

"No, love. I'd like you just the same even without the bond, it just helped me realise it sooner." The Doctor pecks my lips and pulls my head back down to rest on his chest. "Now, don't think I haven't noticed how tired you are."

"I don't want to sleep," I mumble into his chest. However, my body was betraying me. The comfort the Doctor was providing me wasn't helping my mission to stay awake. "I'm scared to remember."

"What did I say earlier?" His fingers continue to run through my hair just as they had been earlier.

"You're here," my body finally gives and my eyes close. The soft humming of the TARDIS and the light beating of the Doctor's hearts was so soothing.

"I'm here," was the last thing I heard before I tumbled into the land of dreaming.