Megan is a beautiful Disaster.
Megan is messing up everything. She is a freshman in college while being depressed and suicidal. She is trying her at best at trying to cope with her bipolar type one diagnosis but she isn't handling that well either...
"Megan I said that I have diagnosed you with bipolar type one disorder, major depressive disorder, general anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and trichotillomania." My psychiatrist tells me.
"What the fuck does that mean?" I demand.
"It means you have: bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, and trichotillomania which are all mental illnesses." He explains.
"So how do I cure all these fucking illnesses?" I sigh and pull my hair behind my ear.
He laughs at me and then says: "These illnesses have no cure. I will put you on some medicine and tell you to continuing to see your therapist."
He fucking laughs! What the fuck!?
"So how the hell am I supposed to live with all these illnesses!" I scream at him. I am fucking pissed. How the hell can one person be so fucked up!!? I thought my Mom has crazy telling me I was crazy. Now I know she was right. Damn, my mother was right. I will never hear the end of this.
"With medicines and therapy you can live a normal life."
Now that, I laugh at.
"No part of my life is normal Dr. Kyle. So tell me how the fuck do I live with this?"
"You just do Megan, you just do."
He puts me on at least six different medicines and tells me I should get used to taking a lot of pills. He even told me to get a med planner so I can keep up with all these pills because he says if I miss any of my medicine, I am fucked.
I get in my car and drive home.
What the fuck I am going to do now? How can I even live a life with all these fucking illnesses?
Since I am off work today and I took off from school from this appointment I go back to my apartment and have a nice cry.
***
"Meg? You home?" Vanessa calls as she enters our apartment. I am laying on the couch in my pj's and drinking wine straight from the bottle.
"What the hell happened to you?" Vanessa asks as she says down on the love seat.
"I got diagnosed today with bipolar type one, major depressive disorder, general anxiety, social anxiety, and trichotillomania. So I am getting drunk." I take another sip of my wine.
"What the fuck does that mean?"
"That's what I fucking said! Bascially I am fucked. Because none of all these illlnesses has a cure. I am now on six different medicine. Oh yeah and I have a med planner like an old lady. Basically Vanessa, I am fucked in the head."
"Wow."
"Fucking tell me about it." I sigh and drink more wine.
"So how do you treat all those illnesses?" Vanessa asks.
"With medicine, therapy, wine, and sex. Mostly wine and sex." I laugh because I feel so dead inside, it's kinda funny how fucked I am.
"Why are you laughing?"
I laugh so hard I cry. "Because Vanessa, if I don't laugh I will cry and then I will kill myself."
I laugh and laugh like a crazy person, which I am.
"Don't you have support group tonight?" Vanessa reminds me.
"Fuck that. I am staying home and drinking till I throw up."
"Your Mom told me I had to make you go, but honestly I don't give a fuck about that either."
Vanessa and I spend the night getting drunk and watching Grey's anatomy. Mom texted me but I didn't answer.
I have no fucking clue what to do next.
I am so fucking screwed.
***
Hey beautiful! I hope you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for reading! I love you all💜💗❤️
-xoxo Caty💜💗❤️
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