𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧.✓ completed

Untitled Part 15

 Chapter Fifteen

Willow

I wake up the next morning to the sunlight streaming through Wynter's bedroom window and the alarm on my phone screeching like a wild banshee.

"Gah." I reach over and swat the thing with unnecessary force, causing it to fall onto the floor. At least the stupid alarm shuts off.

I yank the blanket over my head and teeter back and forth between sleep and being awake. I've never been a morning person, even after years of working a morning shift at a café. My hangover isn't helping the situation, either. I should just go to sleep, get a full night's rest for once. But I need to get home, take a shower, check on things, and then get dressed for work.

I cringe at the reminder of work and the ultimatum Van gave me. Now that I've had a day to think about it, I know I won't be able to go through with dancing on stage, which means I'm going to have to get another job. Maybe even two or three.

Grimacing, I pry myself out of my sleepy state, lean over the edge of the bed, and pick up my phone from the hardwood floor. I quickly examine it to make sure it didn't break. The back popped off, but other than that, it seems fine. Thank God. The last thing I need is to have to pay for a new phone.

My relief is short-lived, though, when I note I have a missed message.

From Beck.

Images of last night creep back to me: stars ... dizziness ... giggling ...

What the heck did I do last night?

My puzzlement only magnifies as I read his message aloud, struggling to translate the wonky wordage going on. "Heeeeyyyyy, so I'm lying here in bed after playing too many games of quarters. I'm seriously drunk off my ass..." Huh? So that's why almost every letter in nearly all the words is duplicated. "But, anyway, I'm going to get straight to the point. I meant what I said in the field, Wills. I've liked you forever. You're seriously the most beautiful, determined, smart, amazing girl I've ever met. And that kiss ... I know you probably want me to say I regret it, but I can't. I can't lie and say I wished I never experienced the most amazing kiss ever. It was so fucking hot. I can't stop thinking about it.

"And touching your ass ... God, you have a fine fucking ass. And I just wanted you to know that. All of that... to know how much you mean to me—always have. Ever since the day I had Theo drive me to your place to pick you up, and you were standing on the side of the street. I was so worried and just wanted to hold you ... But even before that, I liked you. All the way back when I gave you that snow globe ... God, you'd gotten so beautiful over the summer, and it drove me crazy that I wasn't the only one who noticed. I just wish you could see yourself how I see you ...

"I know you think you're like your mother, but you're the opposite. You're sweet and kind and caring and put everyone else before yourself. And you work so hard for everything. You're so perfect ... But, anyway, I'm going to go to sleep now because I'm super drunk and can't really see the keys anymore. Hopefully, you can read this message and don't freak out when you do."

My heart thunders maddeningly in my chest as the pieces of last night connect and collide.

I flop down on my bed and stare up at the ceiling. "Fuck. This is bad. Worse than last time. I didn't even just kiss him, I—"

"Kissed who?"

The sound of Luna's voice startles me, and I nearly fall off the bed as my head whips in the direction of the doorway.

She's standing there in her pajamas, looking so dang happy about something.

"What? No, I didn't kiss anyone." I can't even conjure up a good lie.

She gets all giddy as she crosses the room and climbs onto the bed beside me. "When did this happen? Last night?"

"No."

"Then when?" She keeps on smiling, as if knowing a secret I haven't shared yet.

"I don't know." Think, Willow, think. You can't tell her the truth. Then it all becomes real. And then you're going to have to deal with the consequences.

"Oh, come on." She grabs my hand and yanks on my arm, pulling me upright. "You're supposed to tell me these things. That's what girls do. At least, that's what Wynter says, and she is the best at being a girl."

"Yeah, she is." I huff out a breath, sending strands of hair out of my face. "Fine, I'll tell you, but only if you promise not to ask any questions."

She drags her fingers across her lips, as if zipping up a zipper. Then she sits there with a goofy grin on her face, practically bouncing. I swear to God, she already knows.

How can she know?

Wait. Did Beck tell her?

"Last night, I kissed someone," I mutter.

Holy crap. Shit just got real.

"Okay ... Who was it? And where did it happen?"

"Don't you already know that?" I ask, assessing her reaction.

Her forehead crinkles. "How would I know?"

I can't tell if she's lying or not. Luna isn't much of a liar. Still, she seems to know something, or perhaps paranoia is kicking in.

"I kissed someone in a field last night," I divulge, pulling my knees up to my chest. "That's all I'm going to tell you because the rest is too complicated."

She frowns. "At least tell me who it is."

Now I frown. "You really don't know?"

She shakes her head. "I really don't, but I have an idea."

"How could you have an idea? I don't even like anyone. Not enough to kiss them, anyway."

"You might say that, but I don't think it's true. I think you're just afraid to like someone, particularly this someone, because you two would be perfect together, which means if you broke up, things would be un-perfect."

My lips part in shock. Holy mind reader.

"If you really don't want to tell me, then you don't have to," she adds, kneeling on the bed to face me. "I understand needing to keep stuff to yourself sometimes."

Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump. My heart is a ticking time bomb in my chest, ready to go off at any moment and destroy me. My mom's heart was the same way ... before my dad left. I remember him saying that to her.

"You think too much with your heart, Paula, and not with your head," he said. "And hearts aren't good decision-makers."

"You're wrong," my mom replied. "I mean, my heart made me decide on you, didn't it?"

My father frowned while I smiled. Looking back, my father probably knew he was leaving my mom and was trying to warn her, but my mom was too busy living in lovey-dovey land to understand. Or maybe she did know and wasn't ready to accept the truth.

I won't be like that. I'll accept and then find a way to move on. I won't become my mom.

"I kissed Beck," I say flatly while my heart leaps with enthusiasm.

Shut up, heart. Just shut up.

Luna's cheeriness goes kerplunk. "You don't seem very happy about it."

"That's because it was a mistake." The words nearly split my heart in two.

Die, heart, die.

Luna looks like she might have died a little, too. "What do you mean, 'it was a mistake'?"

I shrug nonchalantly, ignoring the tearing sensation in the center of my chest. "That it shouldn't have happened. That I wish it didn't." Lies. Lies. Lies. All lies! When did you turn into such a dirty liar?

"Willow ..." Luna says with pity in her eyes.

"Look, I was drunk," I cut her off before she can try to convince me that the kiss did mean something. "We both were ... Beck probably regrets it, too." Ha! Look at you, lying to yourself, too. Just read his text again.

"I doubt that," she says. "I'm actually surprised you two didn't kiss a lot sooner."

I blink at her. "Huh?"

A knowing smile crosses her face. "Don't act so surprised. You two have al

most kissed, like, a hundred times."

"Because we were drunk."

"Yeah, so what? For some people, being drunk helps them do stuff they want to do but are too afraid to do sober."

My heart races at the truth her words carry.

I can't deal with this.

I push to my feet and grab my jacket off the floor. "I have to get home. Can we talk about this later?"

She frowns, obviously hurt, and I feel like the biggest bitch ever. But fear keeps me moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

"Thank you for letting me stay here," I say, bolting out the door like a coward.

I pass by Grey on my way through the living. He turns to say something, but I throw a wave over my shoulder, run out the door, and jump into my car.

The tires spin as I skid out onto the road, driving toward Ridgefield. My adrenaline is soaring, my legs are shaking, and my mind is wired, centred on Beck, my mom, and my dad as I fly through town. I don't even notice that the light turned red until I'm halfway through the intersection.

Horns fire off, and I jolt out of my trance, swerving my car off to the side of the road after I make it through the light.

Shoving the shifter into park, I bash my hand against the top of the wheel. "Shit! Fuck! Dick! This is what happens when you get consumed by guys! You almost get yourself killed!" I let my head slump against the steering wheel. "What am I going to do? This thing with Beck can't happen. But we need to stay friends, or else I'll lose my damn mind."

Take a deep breath, Willow. Fix the problem. You can do this.

I rack my mind for an answer, and the memory of the last time Beck and I kissed surfaces. I freaked out then, too, but I fixed the ... problem by laying out a rule that we were never allowed to kiss again. That worked for a while ... until it didn't.

Rules normally work for me. Maybe I just need better rules.

Leaning over the console, I open the glovebox and dig out a pen and the paper with the rule written on it. Then I sit back, strike a line over the rule, and write a new set of rules, growing calmer with every stroke of the pen.

Rule #1: No wandering off into fields together to go stargazing.

Rule #2: Absolutely no lip-to-lip contact.

Rule #3: No falling in love.

Once I finish, I set the list and pen down. Then I drive toward Beck's, crossing my fingers he'll be my best friend instead of the guy I made out with last night.