Dare to love again .

6. Making new friend....just friend.

3 months later.

Rukshar ( POV )

It has been a long time and my mind is quite at peace now. I have started going to university , I started my practice. I meet with so many people , learn new things everyday. And that changed my views on life.

And now I am happy , I sometimes sit with Razia begum talking about politics or about spirituality , There is something mesmerizing about her that enchants people , they want to hear her , believe her and reach out to her.

If  you ask me I find my peace in her , I find strength to struggle, wisdom to grow rich , I find a dream in her which pushes me to live to see another day.

She isn't loud or very aggressive but her words has strong impact on people. People respects her , listens her. She has a leadership quality that I want to learn from her.

I once told her ' You are like evening prayer to me , a guiding light to show path through darkness of life. ' she just smiled and kissed my forehead. I get a motherly vibe from her .

Her never giving up spirit inspired me and even now I want to be like her , someone of use..not a problem, medicine of the pain....not pain itself. I want to help people and I think that realization has brought peace for me.  

Noor talking about her love story or Azaan asking about his sayarah....poor guy still has love hidden in his heart for Sayarah. Is it me ...or I don't know but I think I could feel his sayarah around him. 

Its not like he doesn't love Noor , its just sayarah is that part of his life which he can never forget. And there on this point  I could see connection of his situation with me. The pain I somehow overcame and he still trying to cope with.

And of course that flirty boy Khalid, that naughty boy. We have chatted a lot , never going deep just touching the surface. It refreshing to be near him. And I do look forward to have conversations with him....hope someday he tells me how he is after his beloveds marriage.

I finished my daily home work , which is a lot trust me  , the projects and assignments are killing me and the weekly presentations are like cherry on top .

Dinner I eat with Noor and Azaan since Khalid and aunty went on someone's wedding, and after that two love birds went in their own room and  now its time for my daily routine walk for an hour in the garden.

I took my dupatta and came in the garden. Its just a beautiful place , with lots of flowers , fountain and peace.

I sometimes call Zara or Appi and talk but today I just want to sit here gaze the sky full of stars and get lots in its beauty.

Appi is requesting me to visit home since my summer vacation is approaching and even its my birthday this week , so she is hell bend to take me home.....but I don't want to go. I am not ready yet.

Last time Zara was asking why I don't want to be home and I can't believe it but I said to her ' Cause I don't want to hurt you. ' That was cheesy line I know but it's just...I can't explain.

My feelings for Kabir were deep rooted , for me I was his childhood sweetheart , with underline ' FOR ME ' and emotions like that don't go away soon.

I might be well here but once I see him with Zara I may react more deadly than I did last time. I don't want to risk it.

For the first month here I used to get those over powering emotions... Which used to drive me mad but I am working on it. So , maybe the end of the year I can got but not before that. I really need that much time.

" Miss lost in thought , what are you doing ? " that sudden voice startled me , Khalid sat beside me in the grass. He smells of strong perfume ....ladies perfume.

I gave him a side eye and told " weren't you supposed to be at a wedding with your ammi ? " I asked him.

" yes , I just came back early. " he said not meeting my eyes , that's what he does when ever he wants to hide something.

" You know for a grownup that was a lame lie , try something else." I challenged him , their is fine prints of smeared lipstick on his white shirt , his coat barely covering it. He is such a messy lier I tell you.

" I don't like this wedding ceremonies, so I dropped mom their and than came back....not going to share more than that. " he said and I don't think I need to know more about it. I nodded and we kept quite for sometimes.

" you want dinner ? You hungry ? " I asked him and he said " Nope , I eat my full.....what were you thinking when I came here ? You didn't even realized I was here. " he asked me.

" I was thinking my thinking , and re -thinking  what I was thinking to make sure I was thinking of what I should be thinking and thinking something that I shouldn't be thinking to..." I was going to continue when he interrupted me.

" Stop....my whole mind is buzzing with thinking now....moral of the story you are just confused. " he said bit annoyed, I like annoying him.

" I was thinking about going home. Appi wants me to go back home for vacation. And I am thinking what should I do. " I said and he sat silently.

" I know it's hard to stay away from a charming boy like me. But I am sure you will do just fine. " he said . " Very funny. " I told him with a glare.

" So why don't you want to go back ? " he asked and I don't want to answer him. " will tell you someday. " I replied and he will not ask me about it I know that.

"Let's take your test  you know my story....so tell me , what have you observed about my ways of dealing with my problem. " he asked , hmmm test I like it.

" Let me try .,.. " I said covering his lipstick stained shirt with his coat and said " I really don't think your way of coping with the emptiness and distracting yourself is healthy... but who am I to judge. I can only say learn to accept and let it go , the love ...the feeling is not going to die but you will be at peace with it. " I told him , I hope it works. We sat silently after this conversation gazing at the sky.

" Hope the stain gets washed. " he said worriedly, " Haseena is going to be so mad, may burn the shirt." I teased him. " can't do anything... I am too hot for others. " and our Mr Khalid is back. Now I can have a good conversation with him .  Hope he finds his peace soon.