Love and Voices

Love Checks

Oven off. Check.

Refrigerator closed. Check.

Door locked. Check.

I slowly back out of the room, looking around the darkness as I look one last time.

Please let this be the last time, I beg my thoughts.

"You get your water?" my fiancé asked in the doorway of our bedroom.

"Oh, yes..."I replied forgetting that was my excuse to do my checks once again. 

Finally after a hard day I climbed into bed, ready to retreat into peaceful sleep.  As soon as I shut my eyes it starts to begin, like an orchestra warming up before a big performance.

*Are you sure you locked the door? a soft voice broke through my subconscious.

Yes, I locked the door, I said angrily back to myself. 

*But, are you sure you saw the door actually lock?

Yes...the door is locked, I said, but I could feel my confidence start to waver.

*What if you are wrong? What if you didn't lock the door? What if someone breaks in because you didn't lock the door? You and your fiancé could be killed because you were too lazy to go and check if the door was locked.

My eyes pop open, and I try to discreetly take off my side of the sheet cover to slowly exit the bed.

"Where are you going?" my fiancé asked.

*Think of something quick, you don't want him to think you are crazy, the voice said panicking.

 "I think I heard the cat, I want to make sure he didn't get into my work papers," I said to my fiancé, trying to keep my tone the same.

"I didn't hear the cat," my fiancé said confused.

"I did, I will be right back," I said quickly.

I quicken my pace to the door, hating myself to have to check once again to see if the door is locked.

I get to the door, look at the handle, and the feeling of relief swelled up inside seeing the knob in the locked position.

"See, it was locked," I said out loud.

"What are you doing?

I turn around to see my fiancé standing in the hallway looking at me.

"I...uh," no good excuses came to mind.

*Whatever you do, you can't tell him the truth, you think he would marry you then?

"Are you checking the door again?" My fiancé said.

"What?" I said shocked. 

"I noticed that you check things multiple times before bed."

*Lie

"You can be honest with me, its ok, we can work through it together."

*Lie!

As if he could see my mind spinning its gears in attempt to create a well thought out excuse, he embraced me. His left hand held the curve of my back, while his right hand held my face. He brought his lips closer to mine, and like a prince charming broke my curse.

A tear slid down my cheek.

We can be brave, I said to the voice, breaking a link in the chain it had on me.