I.
bloody and wild
so many almosts
with omar
it's a never ending game
of boyfriend girlfriend
but with none of the commitment
and all of the fear
vines growing over open windows
trapped inside with a mirror or memory
of what we could have been
mind games
the same quiet under warped glass
handprints in the dust
II.
his tongue
mouth mine
ecstasy and boiling seduction
mesmerized by his eyes
I fell into his embrace
trembling with love
hinged doors for teeth
no key or fire escape
every cell on display
seven nights a week
under heavenly crimson light
all these minutes that are not minutes
lost in exhale
III.
the sun is warm on my weary face
but he is not my boyfriend
not father or husband
no king of this sanctuary
of bones and wet
but oh, how he conquers
rids me of every anchor and
calls it love
I am unmoored
in his lovelessness
IV.
they gave me knives
because is not the will of the virgin
a holy violence?
shorn hairs make tapestry of
this marriage bed
and I am not sorry
V.
for every promise he made to me
I lose something that cannot be found
"after Ramadan"
VI.
in the pages of your journal
I am laid flat like a paper doll
hands over my breasts
pelvis curled to hide that depth
you call love
make me sinner then
make me martyr and Ilham
hallowed whore at the foot of the cross
my slaughter will not atone your wickedness
nor your love
only stain your nice clothes
you will always remember me
you will always know my name
you will always be my "boyfriend" to me .
