Evanstan One shots

Haze pt. 5

Warning: heavy drug usage/vomit

I tried everything and I failed everytime. The depression got the best of me and I ended up calling Anthony.
He didn't hesitate. I went to the friend's place of where he was staying at. It was a fellow friend of his and they were both users and dealers.

I walked up the creaky steps of their apartment complex. Not the best place to go at 1am but I need to bury myself.
I didn't want to face the mirror. I don't want to see the truth. I just wanted to melt. I don't want to remember the aching pain in my chest.

I walked into their apartment to see the place half organized and the other half had different packages and needles rested on and next to a back table far from windows. You can't see the table unless you completely enter the apartment.
I looked at Anthony's roommate, Liz, as she was finishing rolling a blunt.

"Hey handsome", she smiled and got up, "Anthony is out delivering so he told me to take care of you"
I pulled my money out as she handed me a bag. "Here, Liz", I gave her the money and watched as she counted it.
She then nodded and then pet me, "Good boy"
She wasn't taunting me. She loves me because I bring the exact amount. Even if it is half of my rent.

I walk out and head back over to my apartment.

********
I shakingly made every line almost perfect and I inhaled.
The euphoria as the powder took it's course.
I missed it and I always denied that I did until then.

I have a missing piece of my story. I never said anything about it because it's a story that is better left unsaid.
I am a past addict. I got addicted to coke and some pills when I was 15 but got caught by my parents. They didn't call the cops, they grabbed me and my father shoved his fingers down my throat, causing me to gag and puke in the toilet that I was hovering over. He was yelling at me about the pills and cocaine. They were holding my arms back and making me throw up my entire dinner.
They proceeded to trash my room and empty it out. Taking everything then they locked me in the bedroom with nothing.

The withdrawal and the process of their way of me getting clean was the most painful experience I've ever had.

I inhaled another line.
The feeling did not remind me of that experience. It buried me from that reminder.
It buried me from ever thinking that he somehow loved me.

Who could ever? But it's not like we're all different. That's what made us family in the first time. We all was running from our own family and only loved the one we made.
But as much as life has taught us is that the good things never last forever. But when we are in those good moments, we always take advantage of it whether we know better or not.

And the moment it's over, you beat yourself up for not cherishing it.

It's just a torturing cycle we go through.
Some go through it like normal, being numb and just living, others just smile and keep going and then there's people like me, damaging themselves until they're practically dead on the couch.

I stare at the residue on the table once I finished the last line. I then made the impulsive move. I needed more of something else. And I was high enough to do it.
I find myself walking towards the familiar road of the small neighborhood of where Sebastian's house was while finishing a blunt.

I didn't bother stopping the high person who took over me. I wanted to feel euphoria with a physical touch. Even if the touch meant nothing.
I find myself still going as I arrived to his house. I enter through the gate and start to head down the steps to his basement. I can see Sebastian's head through the small window go down towards the coffee table. He was all alone from what I could see.
I finish going down to the door and knock hard enough to grab his attention. He opens the door and the look of shock fills his dazed yet blown eyes. I didn't give him a chance to process anything as I crash my lips against his. I felt what I have been missing for a while. The ache in my chest went away.
I pushed him in the basement as I kicked the door, making the kiss more passionate and deep.

I just needed to feel him again.
And he didn't seem to mind as he returned the same feeling.

*******
I woke up to the scent I've missed for so long. I shoved my nose into his hair, holding him closer. Keeping my eyes closed in case this was all a dream. Sober me wanted to curse out high me for coming here and entangling myself with the person who hurt me the most.
His scent brought me so much calmness but it nearly brings tears to my eyes. His soft breaths feel my heart with joy and sorrow.

I then decided to face the music and end the moment that I wished was forever.
I softly and slowly move from Sebastian and put my shirt back on along with my pants. I ran my hand through my hair, debating what move to make next.

It only made my headache pound harder. I quietly groan and start to head out.
I know it's not right for me or him. To make each other friends with benefits. It's not healthy when only doing it when high and it's not healthy when I'm hopelessly in love with him and he sees me as another fuck buddy.

Every moment was a feeling I could hold forever. A feeling of fully forgetting every shitty thing that has torn me to shreds. If only Sebastian shared the same feeling with me, then maybe it would absolutely be perfect. The perfect memory lost in love.

I swallow every urge to turn around and make things mutual between us but I already know how this story goes.
And how it could possibly end.

******
I look at my phone as it rang for the fourth time. Anthony again. I don't know why he was blowing my phone up. I pay my dues before I get them and I help him with a lot of other unspoken jobs so I don't understand the constant calling.

I finally answer after the third ring, "yes, Anthony. Why are you blowing up my phone?"
"Where are you?"
I look around like he could see me, "at work? Sweeping?"
"We'll be picking you up after you get out."
"We?", I finish sweeping and set the broom against the cleaning supply closet door.

"Yeah. Me and Sebastian"
I froze for a moment. I haven't exactly had a direct and full conversation with Seb since the argument. For the past half week, it's been the nightly visits after getting high on whatever we had. We never spoke and in the moments of being wrapped around each other, we would say the usual sweet nothings that we never took to heart. Or at least I know Sebastian didn't.
They were just words to add more to the moments and euphoric high that was coursing through his veins.

"Oh okay. Why?"
"Got a little bit of a job to do and I need you two for help"
"Job doesn't seem so little if you need two guys to tag along"

Usually it is just Anthony and me or just Anthony. But if Anthony is calling for two guys, it seems to be serious.
"Yeah. It is. Frankly, it could get messy but not like you haven't experienced messy before, right Evans?"
"Mhm. Yeah. By the tone of your voice, I have no choice"
"Nope"
I sigh, "alright. See you at Midnight"

____part 6 coming___