Surviving You

18: Core Memory #9

Core Memory - The Diagnosis

Ally's face scrunches in pain as she places her hands over her forehead and her face pales. I wrap my arms around her waist and she leans into my embrace and her eyes roll to the back of her head.

I scoop her up into my arms and walk back to our bed. This is the fifth time this week that she's fainted. Somethings wrong. I don't know what it is but she's not okay.

The first five months of our engagement have been great, but these last two months have been concerning. I've tried to get Ally to go to a doctor but she says she's fine.

"That's it. I'm scheduling an appointment for the doctors" I say with finality as I swipe her hair behind her ear.

"No! Alex I'm fine. Seriously. It's just a bit of fainting. Maybe it's the weather" She suggests and I shake my head.

"Ally, it's not just a bit of fainting. You've fainted five times this week alone, that's not counting the other billion times you've fainted these past months. Plus the chills you get, the massive weight loss you've had, the loss of colour in your face, the overall weakness in your body plus probably a whole lot more that you aren't telling me. I love you sweetheart, so so much. And I want you happy and healthy and you aren't happy or healthy. Please, don't fight this. Let me get you help. The sooner we get this checked out, the sooner we can get you better" I lean in to kiss her forehead and her eyes flutter closed.

"I'm sorry Alex. I'm just so scared. I'm afraid that if I go to the doctors they'll tell me something life altering and I don't know if I can deal with that. I love you Alex, I'll go to a doctor"

"There nothing to be afraid of. I'll be by your side through everything. I'll always be here for you sweetheart. Forever yours remember?" I reassure her and she leans into my embrace even more.

"Forever yours" She agrees.

God, I hope everything will be just fine. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't.

-

Months go by, a million doctor appointments, Ally is only getting worse and we still don't know what is wrong with her.

Our final hope is this last doctor. A specialist of some sorts.

Ally squeezes my hand encouragingly as she sits and patiently waits for her name to be called.

My leg bounces up and down nervously. I feel like I'm more nervous than her. As the months go on and her condition worsens, I've been going crazy over the fact that I can't fix this for her. I can't fix anything. I can't take away her pain, hell I can't even find a doctor good enough to help her. I'm a failure. I'm failing her, my Ally, my forever.

Ally places her hand on my shaking thigh and I stop shaking, grimacing an apology at her.

"Ally Winston" A nurse announces walking into the waiting room of the doctors office. We both stand up and Ally tightens her hold on my hand. I need to be strong for her. I need to be her rock for whatever happens next.

The nurse smiles and leads us to a separate room where she tells us the doctor will be here shortly. Ally sits on the elevated doctors bed, the crinkling paper scrunching as she gets comfortable. I place myself between her legs, rubbing my hands up and down her upper arms in a comforting manner.

"I love you so much Ally, no matter what this doctor tells us, I will always be here. I'm not going anywhere and neither are you. We'll get through this sweetheart. Everything will be okay" I lean closer to her and place a light kiss on her forehead. Everything will be okay. It has to be.