Remember Me?

Part I - Chapter 5

The walk to the lunch room is long and if it was in my power I would make the distance even longer. Maybe even make the entire thing disappear, but no. I am not that powerful. I don't even have a strand of dignity right now, how could I possibly be powerful?

"Um, can you go with me?" I blurt out.

"Sure" Vera replies.

My steps are obviously slow and I play out all the possible scenarios in my head...

~~~I walk into the lunch room and quickly identify where Kasey is. I walk over to her and assert myself.

"Do you think you're so high and mighty? Do you enjoy having people at your disposal? I bet you're just looking for attention, saying whatever to get anyone to notice you. You think that using people makes you better than anyone else? It doesn't. It just makes you look like you can't do anything on your own and that you need others to mask out your ugly character."

The lunch room rises in an uproar and immediately start talking. Everyone pulls out their phones and takes pictures, records videos, or whatever floats their boat. ~~~

"No I can't do that" I whisper to myself.

~~~ I walk into the lunch room and quickly identify where Kasey is. I sit down at the table with a smile and act like the last hour didn't happen.

The table starts to whisper and Kasey begins to laugh along with them. No one speaks to me but they all steal glances.

Everyone in the room starts to whisper amongst themselves. Even the people who know nothing are judging and putting me down. ~~~

"I'd be a fool to do that" I whisper again.

"Are you sure you want to go in there?" Vera asks carefully.

I notice that we are at the doors. I just spent the entire way thinking of possible scenarios instead of actually deciding on what to do.

"Yeah, I'll go. I need to show my face at least. I want to show that I'm not gonna hide because of what happened."

"Alright, I'll be right here" Vera says.

Vera walks forward with me in tow and opens the doors. I almost automatically feel eyes from the back of the room turn towards me.

Kasey's usual table is on my right and towards the back of the room. Across from it is Jayce and Randy's table. Vera's table along with other girls that I know, is near the front of the room on the right side.

In that moment, of walking into the room. I decided on what to do.

~I'm going to sit with Vera and these other girls that I know. They've all been nice to me before, I just haven't returned the gesture.

From the corner of my eye I see Randy wave at me and their other friends call me over. From far away, I bet they won't be able to tell if I ignore them.

So, I ignore them and walk over to Vera's table.

But I spoke too soon and my plans are ruined.

Jayce is leaning against the entrance and when he finally notices that I walk in, he sneaks up from behind to scare me.

I get scared easily, so when Jayce shakes my shoulders I shriek and instantly jump.

"Jayce! Stop!" I say while shaking his hands off and turning around.

The only response I get is laughter. He's bending over in amusement.

"Ha ha ha, very funny"

~Remember you already made up your mind to sit with Vera.

I start to walk away again only to be stopped. Jayce slings his arms around my shoulders and hugs me from behind.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry" Jayce laughed.

He continues to laugh as his head lies on my neck. His chest rumbles with every chuckle and I feel his cheeks climb into a smile every time he does.

"You gotta admit that was funny!"

"I guess so" I admit as a smile unconsciously appears.

Jayce stays there, not moving. Then he starts to rock from side to side, making me sway along with him. And there we sway in the lunch room, unaware of the wandering eyes. I guess my mind escapes me also because... I actually let him.

My hands naturally hold Jayce's wrists and right after I do, his lips curl into a smile. With my fingers I feel his pulse.

"What are you doing, Doctor?"

I laugh at his childishness, "Checking your pulse".

"Why?"

"To make sure you're alive".

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because these type of things only happen in dreams".

Jayce's chest rumbles one more time and then a pause.

"I haven't hugged you in a long time." Jayce sighed while tightening his grip.

***

My car pulls up and it's time for me to leave.

"I gotta go guys."

"Good, it's about time" Randy says.

I didn't even have the energy to respond because it's my favorite part of leaving. I always get a good-bye hug from Jayce.

A smile appears on his face and I smile back. He opens his arms and I walk into his embrace. As quickly as he opened his arms he takes them away and steps back.

I drop my arms because when I followed his line of vision, I saw his new friends walking our way.

"Hey!" Jayce calls out to them.

"Oh hey, didn't see you there" one of them answers back.

The next thing I heard were their sneakers as they pounded the pavement, running. With that I walk away. I do not look back. Except for one glance, where I see them all laughing.

***

My fingers release from Jayce's wrists and I am no longer able to feel his pulse. My mind finds its way back to me also. I take my hands and hold his. With one final breath within his embrace, I undo his arms, slip my hands out of his tight grip, and step forward.

"Yeah," I turn to face him "umm..."

No other words come to mind. I want to tell him that I will not sit with him. But then he'll think that I'm avoiding him, then he'll ask why and frankly I don't think I can tell him why.

I want to tell him what happened with Kasey and ask him what to do about it but I can't. I can't because then I'll be asking for his help and relying on him. I can't because if I do, it means that I let him affect me. I just can't do that. I can't. So I walk away without another word.