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"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love."
~ E.A. Bucchianeri ︎
It's been about 15 minutes.
Johnny laid anxiously in his bed, his head quickly turning to his window every time he heard a noise from outside, expecting to see his girlfriend crawling through with the same exhausted expression she always had whenever she'd come through his window.
Talking about how climbing up was so much work, making him laugh every time; only for it to be nothing but the wind from outside.
He was feeling nervous.
Not that it was a new occurrence, she always had a way of making the boy feel weak whenever she was around him, but this wasn't like that.
He was scared that something was wrong.
It wasn't like her to spontaneously ask to sneak over, especially so late at night with the risk of her getting in trouble.
Not to mention the way she sounded over the phone. She said she was fine, but the way her voice was shaking and the way it seemed like she could barely get her words out made him think otherwise.
His mind began to go over possible logical reasons on why she needed to come over, one of them being the fact that maybe she just missed him, that made him smile. Unfortunately, that thought quickly became replaced with more negative ones. What if something bad happened to her? He wasn't smiling anymore.
They both knew that if anyone ever did anything to her that he would take care of it, whether she wanted him to or not. As much as he didn't like to admit it, johnny was insecure.
He couldn't help it.
From the constant abuse he'd get from his step father, and even kreese during training, he couldn't help but think that the things they constantly said to him were true. It was a normal and natural psychological response: if you constantly heard the same thing over and over again you'd start to believe it.
That's why it was inevitable for johnny to believe that he was, in fact, a disappointment; considering how much it was told to him.He genuinely believed there was something wrong with him. That's why it was so easy for him to get jealous.
He didn't want to be like that, but he was.
He didn't deserve her, he knew he didn't.
She was too good for him, too perfect.
He'd constantly find himself in disbelief over the fact that she would ever want to be with someone like him; that's why he was so scared of losing her.
