Of Calm Calamities

Of Calm Calamities (6)

For a few seconds, golden eyes stared into cerulean, and the entire world  went silent. Even the shatter of broken tea cups seemed distant, as if it was from far away. One heartbeat passed. Two. Three. And then Zhongli was reaching for him, his hand lifting slowly as if he was afraid that Childe would disappear if he moved to quickly, as if Childe was fragile now. The hand froze in mid-air, mere centimeters from Childe's cheek, making it seem as though Zhongli feared that if he were to touch Childe, he'd fade into nothing, he'd disappear and Zhongli would be left all alone, the way he'd already been abandoned so many times in his six thousand years of life. 

Childe felt his knees go weak, and this time, it definitely wasn't because of blood loss. It was because those beautiful eyes that he loved so much were decorated with deep eye bags along with the usual red eyeliner, because that long silky hair was sticking out in all the wrong places, and the suit that the funeral consultant wore so often was gone, replaced by a simple button-down that lay crooked and dark brown slacks. Zhongli was a mess, an absolute mess, but somehow, he still looked as ethereal as ever. Something about Zhongli looking so casual for the first time since Childe's met him made his heart pound so loud, Childe was surprised that Zhongli couldn't hear it. This wasn't healthy for him - the way his blood rushed to his cheeks, the way he felt himself heat up even more, the way his throat was dry as he searched for something, anything to say, it wasn't healthy for Childe.

"I, uh, I'm sorry I missed our date?" Oh, that definitely wasn't what Childe wanted to say, but it wasn't like he could just take his words back now. 

At first it was just a tiny chuckle that left Zhongli, nothing more than the slightest upturn of his lips. The sound was beautifully melodic in a way that the most complex of songs could never even attempt to recreate. The sound washed over Childe like a gentle wave, taking away all of his worries and fears. He was fine now. He was alive and he was with Zhongli, and everything was fine. Zhongli's laugh was beautiful, Zhongli was beautiful, even as he grew quieter, the sudden joy leaving just as fast as it came, replaced instead with thick, shining tears that traced down his cheeks. Childe raised his hand, careful not to tug too hard at his wounds, in an attempt to wipe the tears away. Zhongli's hand caught his instead, holding it the way one would hold a delicate glass figurine.

"Really, Childe?" There was just the hint of a laugh, though it sounded so painfully sad. "You come to me looking as if you fought half of Teyvat on your own, pass out for almost two weeks, almost die on me, and that's the first thing you say?"

Childe's eyes widened. "Almost two weeks?"

"That's what you're worried about?" Zhongli scoffed, though his hand was still gentle over Childe's. "Not that you almost died?"

"Almost dying is part of my job," he replied with his usual cheekiness, though it didn't quite meet his eyes. 

Childe had been scared, so very scared, and he hated it. He thought he'd gotten past that already, so why had  it still terrified him so much? He survived the Abyss. He survived the Fatui training. He survived becoming the youngest Harbinger of the Tsaritsa. And he'd almost died many times before, so why was this any different? Why was it that he still almost felt paralyzed at the thought of it? Childe had thought he didn't want to die earlier because of his promise - every other time, he'd welcomed death with open arms so he wanted to believe that it was his reluctance to break a promise that  drove him to stay alive, and yet, here he was, with his promise fulfilled, and still absolutely terrified of dying. By the archons, he'd survived so much. He couldn't let something as silly as a few fatal wounds or a near death experience leave him frozen in fear. 

The eyes of the ex-archon were sorrowful as he turned away from Childe, as if looking at him any longer would only bring him more pain. It hurt Childe more than his wound ever could. Before he could even attempt to think about it, Childe pushed himself off of the doorframe, and, in one fluid move, wrapped his arms around Zhongli in a hug. Zhongli, in turn, opened his eyes wide in surprise, doing his best to not stumble backwards, which proved to be woefully unsuccessful. Thankfully, he managed to catch his balance before either one of them fell over, which was a very good thing, considering the fact that if Childe fell right now, he wasn't sure if he'd be able to get up. It was a good thing that Zhongli was as sturdy as a rock once he'd gotten over his shock.