𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒-Kaz Brekker

𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈.

𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑: 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈.

Kaz watches her expectantly as she pushes her glass forward, asking for another before she looks back at him. "I grew up in an orphanage in Keramzin," she says. "Smallest of the bunch. Weakest. My mother died when I was born. And my father... I was five when he left me at the orphanage."

"How does this- -" Kaz begins.

She shakes her head. "Shut up, or I won't tell you anything."

He rolls his eyes, adjusting his grip on the goat. "Fine," he says.

Raisa swallows thickly. "I was thirteen when the testers found me at the orphanage. Took me to the Little Palace, gave me a kefta. Red and black. There were others like me, young and afraid. But for some reason, General Kirigan took a liking to me. I don't know why. I don't know if I'll ever know why. He took an interest in my training. He would oversee my sessions with Botkin sometimes or I'd train alone with him."

Kaz's voice is still cold as ever, though there's a hint of intrigue to it, a bit of confusion. "What could the Shadow Summoner ever need with one little girl?"

"I was very naive. I was loyal. I was like a little dog who doesn't know to run away when it's been kicked. So even when he made me kill a man, I did it. He said the man was Fjerdan and that he had killed another Grisha, so it must be justice. I wasn't skilled enough to make it instant, painless. And he screamed. General Kirigan held me and let me cry. But I swear it was like- - like the shadows were growing all around me."

"The... shadows?" Kaz asks.

"They surrounded him. At every moment, it was like I could feel them. Even in the brightest room, there are shadows. He could summon them with a little snap of his fingers. I became very attuned to knowing the shadows. And even if he could mask what he was feeling with smiles and little words, the shadows couldn't."

She feels tears stinging her eyes and she wants them desperately to stop. Stop, stop, stop.

Stop it!

There's a hammering in her head, her heart racing. She swallows down the lump growing in her throat.

"Every time I hurt someone, every time I did something cruel or cold, he was comforting. But it was like the shadows were feeding on it. The violence. My fear. The pain. They liked it. And they were him. Everyone has those dark parts of themselves that they try to hide or fix, but you can't see those. I could see them. And there comes a point when you have to escape that. That was what I had to do. I couldn't live in that darkness anymore."