IN MY REMAINS

AUTHORS NOTE: 

Hello and welcome. I hope you like what I have written and I would love to know what you think and if you have any tips for my writing. I would like to do it professionally and so all opinions are welcome. 

So, about the song. Feel free to listen to it while you read or don't, it is not really necessary. The song inspired what I wrote but it does follow the lyrics meaning exactly.

Thank you and please enjoy.

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"My love, I'm so.." she choked out quietly, tears slipping down her swollen cheeks.

"I'm so.." the word stuck in her throat was not nearly sufficient enough to describe the despair and regret she felt in that moment.

She leaned further over the hospital bed and pressed a kiss to her precious little boy's cooling forehead. The heavy midnight locks of her hair that had escaped its messy bun, had fallen around his face as she pressed her forehead to his.

A low whine forced it way out of her mouth and another sob wracked her body as she remembered the way he loved her hair. She remembered how he would grab a handful and wrap the strands around his little fingers and give it a few tugs or he would just pet her hair as he fell asleep, and look at her as if she was his whole world.

"My baby" cooed softly and leaned upright. She grabbed his hand and squeezed tightly.

"I love you" she cried "you're not allowed to be gone!"

"I'll never do it again Sid! I won't!" She shook his hand, jiggling his limp arm. " I'll never touch any drugs again, I swear, just" she paused, sucking in a large stuttered breath "please," she sagged into the chair next to the bed.

"Please, wake up" she begged reverently. She rested her chin on his hand in hers and just looked at him. She looked at him for long minutes and saw everything he could have been. The man he could have grown to be had she not been a screw up.

She kissed his hand then pressed it to her cheek.

"I'm sorry" she finally croaked. "I'm sorry for not being the mom you needed, the mom you deserved. I'm sorry for leaving you alone all the time when I should have been there. I'm sorry that I missed your birthdays and your first day of kindergarten. I'm sorry we didn't have dinners together and I'm sorry that I didn't get you new clothes when you needed them. I'm sorry for all the times I said no to you, for never trying hard enough." Tears wetted his hand and she wiped them away as she gasped for air to fill her shrinking lungs. "I'm sorry you had me, Sid."

Her breaths were shallow and the edges of her vision were blackening. "It's too late now," she muttered. "I love you so much, I swear I'll stop now. For you, baby."

Lowering his hand back to his side, she crawled in next to him and tightly wrapped her arms around his small torso. She planted her lips once more to his head to seal her promise, and as she ran her hand through his short hair, she knew she'd stop this time.

"I promise"