Not Worth Your Love | Kim Namjoon

Chapter 2

   I was greeted by mother nature Wednesday morning. She gifted me with debilitating cramps and stained sheets that I didn't have time to clean. After a long scalding hot shower, I didn't really have time to get all dolled up. I didn't have the energy to either. A cute outfit would at least prevent me from feeling like a gross rat lady. We will be going with an "effortless" look today it seems. Originally I had planned to wear some tight mid rise jeans and a teeny tiny crop top. An achy bloated stomach said otherwise. I went with some light blue baggy jeans and a baby pink oversized crew neck instead. For shoes I chose my comfiest sneakers. The finishing touch was a silver dainty necklace, a couple of rings and two large pink hair clips. Makeup today was just a bit of concealer under my eyes to hide my dark circles. After putting myself together, I grabbed my stuff and headed for the bus.

   The only thing I could think of on the ride to school was if I was gonna need a textbook today. I thought he had mentioned something about not needing it until next week but I couldn't be certain. Worst comes to worst I could ask to see someone else's but that would be so embarrassing. I didn't have any friends in that class, in fact I didn't have any here at all. Most of my friends were an hour and a half or more away. I really need to work on my social skills. Speaking of, I was gonna see Namjoon again today. I got flashbacks of the times people asked me if I was sick when I didn't have make up on. Not only did I look busted but if he saw me ask to use someone else's book I would die. Maybe I should've just skipped class.

    When I got there he hadn't arrived yet. I thanked the lord under my breath then went to the farthest seat possible from where he sat last time. My heart was beating so fast along with my armpits sweating waterfalls. It was like this was a gamble and to me the stakes were high. Once class started the professor told us we would just be watching a couple videos and taking notes. My butthole unclenched, I was safe...for now.

   When the clock reached ten and class was over, I put my stuff away very slowly so Namjoon would leave before me. Luckily but also unluckily I could only afford one class this quarter and I can go home after this. The only thing I wanted to do was take some advil and pass out but I still had one more obstacle. After getting my things together I took out my phone and opened up instagram. Just to be safe I was going to wait one more minute so for sure he would be gone by the time I got up. About thirty seconds into scrolling I heard a deep voice behind me.
"Hey"
Oh no.

   I turned around to be eye level with his waist. Slowly I looked up to meet Namjoon's eyes and said,
"  h i "
My heart was in my stomach at this point. Why was he trying to talk to me?
"Was it Marisol?" He asked hesitantly.
"Yeah, um Namjoon?" I asked back.
"Yeah!" His smile widened a little bit but went back down when he continued.
"I was wondering if you wanted to— if you could I mean, help me study?"

  My brain was scrambling to comprehend what he just asked of me.
"Uhhhh like, for this class?"
Oh my god why did I say that. Duh for this class, what other class would it be?
"Mmhm" he replied.
"I'm pretty fluent in English but I still have trouble sometimes. I wanted to ask if you could help me when I get stuck if we study together."
There's no way this is happening. I can't tell if this is good or bad. Probably bad since I currently look like a crusty foot and I don't even have a textbook yet. This is sick and twisted.
"When did you want to study?" I asked nervously.
"Tomorrow?" He replied, a hint of excitement in his voice.

   A lightbulb lit up just then. Maybe this is a good thing. I can't get a textbook until next week so I could use his. The only issue would be that I would be embarrassed as hell. How am I gonna tell this filthy dirty rich boy that I couldn't afford a $50 used gross book? I don't even think he knows about used books. Not only that but he's so hot AND he likes poetry. I don't really have a choice though. I guess I could ask the girl who was in our group last class. She was really nice, what was her name again?
"I could treat you to lunch too— if you want." He added.
"What time are we meeting? Same time as class?" I said without hesitation.
"Sure" he said happily.
"Want to meet at the library?" He asked.
With a now slightly higher pitched voice I said
"Yeah that works. See you then!"
"Okay see you tomorrow then." He replied.

   When I got home I couldn't sleep. Different outfits, anxiety, excitement, and his voice were all swirling around in my brain. Did he ask me to help him because he thinks I'm cute? Maybe he just wants to be my friend. Either way I can't get with a guy like that. It would be like a dream if something did spark up between us. Although I'm just grateful that I get to hang out with him. Even if we're just friends that's fine, he seems like a really cool guy. I wonder if he actually read the poem I told him about.

  I wish I didn't have work in a few hours so I could take my time picking out an outfit. I'm gonna have to wash my hair also. There's so many things I have to take care of. This is the worst time to be on my period but It's not like he's just some hook up anyways. I'd like to actually get to know Namjoon. I wonder if he wants to get to know me too. I don't know if I want that though. My lifestyle is drastically different than his. Could someone like him understand? How am I even going to explain the textbook thing? Oh well, that sounds like an issue for tomorrow.