Not Worth Your Love | Kim Namjoon

Chapter 5

The next morning I wanted to get to class early so that I'd have some time to talk to Namjoon. I still didn't have his number or any of his social medias so I wanted to ask for them before class started. There wasn't much time to get ready so I threw on some black flared yoga pants that made my butt look good with a cropped pink velvet zip-up hoodie and some white sneakers. Makeup today was light and natural and my hair was put into a ponytail to make the look a little more sporty.
  

   On the way to class I spotted Namjoon walking with two other guys. One had dark brown wavy hair and was wearing jean shorts with a really colorful oversized sweater. If I'm not mistaken his shoes were balenciagas and they looked very big compared to his slender legs. The other guy had on a gray long sleeve shirt that also looked too big for him. The rest of his outfit was black. He had black cargo pants, black combat boots, and a black bucket hat which I thought was very cute. Namjoon was wearing a forest green jacket with some jeans and black converse. He did have on a black baseball hat as well but did not stand out as much as the other two. I felt blessed to see this many hot guys together at once.

  When they got to the building where our class was held, one of them playfully pushed Namjoon in before they started walking in a different direction. I tried to keep a good distance but I didn't even realize how hard I was staring at them. I think the one with the bucket hat looked at me but I looked away really quickly before our eyes met. I felt my ears and face get hot in embarrassment. I hope he doesn't mention it to Namjoon.

  Namjoon was sitting in the same spot as before when I walked into class. He was very focused while looking down at his phone, I thought it would be funny to try and scare him a little. Quietly I came up behind him and positioned my lips right next to his ear and said
"Hey, Oppa!"
He lifted his head up and slightly grazed my lips with his ear. I pulled my head away quickly.

  I had expected a cute little playful smile and maybe a giggle or something. Instead I saw wide eyes and a very red face. He smiled awkwardly and let out a little
"hi" Was he acting weird because my lips did a little drive by on his ear? I didn't think it was that big of a deal but maybe it grossed him out or something. If I just violated him I'll never forgive myself.
"Was that the word?" I asked after a couple of awkward seconds.
"What?" He replied
" The thing that the girls call the older guys in Korea. It's brother right?"
"Oh,...yeah it's older brother." His shoulders relaxed a little bit. Just then the teacher greeted everyone loudly to get class started. I settled back into my seat and got my stuff out. I don't think I creeped him out but what the heck was that reaction.

   I tried to focus on the lecture and it made time go fast. But I couldn't shake the need to know what Namjoon was thinking. The end of class came around and I put my stuff away slowly. I looked down at my notebook as I shakely put it away. Why was I so nervous to talk to him?
"What are you doing right now?" He asked right as I finished clipping my bag closed.
"Mmmm, I'm probably just gonna go home and take a nap before work."
"Where do you work?" He asked
"Uh a restaurant" I said hesitantly. I definitely did not want him to know where I work but I can't just tell him that.
"Why? Did you want to do something right now?" quickly directing the conversation back to where we started.
"Do you want to study right now?" He said while looking down with a slight smile. The way his dimple revealed itself to me made my smile curl up as well.
"Yeah I think I can study for a little bit." He replied with a nod and quickly finished packing up his things.

  So I for sure didn't creep him out. I'm still not sure what happened but I'll try harder to respect his space anyways. Our walk to the library was quiet but I enjoyed it. It made me feel nice that I didn't have to say anything to be able to enjoy our time together. I didn't realize I was already so comfortable around him. When I looked over at him his little smile was still sitting on his face. A big blue sky with pure white fluffy clouds behind him made it looked like he just belonged among them. Almost like he was substituting for the sun. I hoped he was as comfortable as I was at that moment. I wish we were close enough that I could take a picture of him so he could see how serene he looked.

  He opened the door to the library for me when we got there. A breeze of cold air blew in my face but I could still feel his warmth directly behind me so I scooted forward so he could comfortably get through. We automatically went to the table where we had been before but this time I sat on the short side of the table instead of right next to him.
"You can just put the book in the corner. That way I'm not all in your space" I told him cheerfully.
"Oh uh, thanks"

  After reading some pages I felt the urge to pee. I tried to hold it so he wouldn't have to wait for me but eventually I couldn't hold it anymore.
"I have to use the restroom, I'll be right back."
In the bathroom I looked at myself in the mirror after washing my hands. I liked what I saw but then I didn't and then I did again. I felt confused, I was usually so confident. Being around Namjoon lately has made me insecure. I loved admiring him like earlier on our way to the library but when I looked at myself I couldn't help but compare. I have been feeling insecure about more than just my looks. I don't like the way this feels and I wish I could just ask him what he thinks about me. It's so hard to know what he's thinking when we're from completely different worlds.

   I craved some assurance from him. On my way back to the table I imagined him welcoming me back with his cute smile and scooting closer to me so I could see the textbook better. I thought back to when my lips touched his ear earlier and felt the blood rush to my fingers and toes as if I was about to fall off a flight of stairs. Deep down I hoped he was replaying it in his mind too.

  As I got closer to our table I cleared my head and braced myself to rejoin our study session and act like I wasn't just fantasizing about him. However when he got into view I saw a girl standing next to where he was seated, grabbing the chair where I chose not to sit. I felt my blood go down to my fingers and toes again but this time my heart went with it.