𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 || 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐀𝐔

Chapter Twenty

Elle
I lay on my bed staring at my ceiling as I fumbled with my fingertips. How could Alexis-someone who used to be so caring towards me, suddenly flip a switch and act like she's never liked me?

It frustrated me more than I would like and it confused me so much it made my head spin. I kept replaying the things she said over and over again in my head.

"She'll get bored of you. Just like Tyler did."

Tyler. His name alone could cause me to go into a full blown panic attack. His name made me cringe internally as well as externally.
As soon as I felt my breathing pick up, the flashbacks started.

3 years ago

"Tyler? Tyler please call me back I've been trying to reach you for the past hour where are you?"

I heaved a sigh as I quietly paced around my boyfriends room. He told me he was going out with his friends to get some food but that was over an hour ago and he hasn't called me back or texted me or anything. I didn't care I just wanted to know if he was okay.

As if I had wished him into existence he came through the door plopping down on his chair.

"Hey, where have you been? I've been calling you for almost two hours." I said worriedly.

"I told you I was going to the store babe."

"Yeah but you were gone for almost two hours and you wouldn't text me or call me I was getting worried. You know I overthink everything."

"Yeah well maybe that's your problem. Just don't overthink every little detail. You're just over dramatic."

"Seriously? I was worried about you how you would feel if I left for two hours and didn't text you or call you or let you know I was okay?"

"Well that would never happen anyway cause we both know you can't go anywhere without me. You're too weak to handle yourself alone. You always need someone by your side."

I started tearing up at his words as I shook my head in disbelief.

"Oh god and here come the water works. God you're always crying. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends let me know when you're done being a baby."

~

I ended up in my bathroom staring back at my reflection. And all I saw staring back at me was a broken girl, and I was afraid that was all I would ever see. A broken girl who couldn't be fixed.

The harder I looked at myself the harder I wanted to cry. And I did.

I hated my life. I hated my past and I hated my present. My life sucked complete ass and I was scared it was never going to get better. I couldn't live like this forever.

Wanting some kind of distraction from my thoughts I grabbed my razor blade from my hidden place. I didn't want to do it, I was almost a month clean and I knew Billie would be disappointed in me and I would be myself. But no matter how much I wanted to stop...I couldn't.

I made slash after slash after slash across my arms as I cried. I slid down my bathroom door throwing my razor across my floor as I pulled and tugged at my hair. I sobbed violently, pounding against my door with my elbow.

After everything that's happened recently I never had the chance to fully let my anger, sadness and frustration out. So that's what I did. I let it out. I cried, I screamed and I cut.

After I ran out of tears I blew out a huge breath. Feeling a small sense of relief.

I grabbed my gauze kit wrapping it around my arm tightly as I sniffled away the last of my tears.