MDZS/Untamed Oneshots [On Hold]

Remember me

Summary: Lan wangji wakes up one morning and realises he's forgotten the face of wei wuxian.

.....

It has been a decade since wei wuxian jumped off of the cliff in nightless city, 10 years since he slipped out of lan wangji's hands and fell, 120 months since lan wangji witnessed the destruction of his love and 3650 days of mourning his soulmate.

Yet it feels like forever since wei wuxian died.

Not a day goes by that lan wangji doesn't play inquiry in the hopes that someday he will get an answer. Waiting has never been a problem to lan wangji. He had been accustomed to waiting for everything all his life.

Waiting to visit his mother every month, waiting outside the gentian cottage on cold frosty nights, waiting for his gege to take him in his arms when he's finally free from the duties placed on his young shoulders, waiting for wei wuxian to let lan wangji help him, waiting for his soulmate to come back. Waiting, waiting, waiting and lan wangji never protested.

And just like that he waits every night with inquiry sounds echoing off the daunting walls of the jingshi, the blood on the strings dripping off drop by drop like dew drops from a petal, clotting and staining like the wet paint his wei ying would use in all his drawings.

And every night the silence echoed louder than the song of yearning that had been etched into the strands of lan wangji's being like ink. He would retire to bed with shoulders hunched from the weight of all his failures, lashes laced with essence of pain lan wangji carried in every cell of his body.

And yet he didn't mind suffering a thousand times more for his beloved. Lan wangji was ready to carve his heart out of the cage of hollow bones and present it on a platter of his palm if only wei wuxian came back.

If only.

Lan wangji's heart breaks with every sunrise that doesn't witness the sleeping form of his beloved and every sunset that isn't graced by the laughter of his soulmate. The food is rotten if wei wuxian isn't enjoying it, the water is filthy if it isn't wetting the throat of wei wuxian, even the air is cursed if wei wuxian isn't breathing in it.

Staying awake is painful because every second is a reminder of wei wuxian's death. Sleeping is damned for lan wangji's slumber is filled with harrowing images of his soulmate dying in gruesome ways while he is left to watch it unfold. Even the rare dreams where he's graced with wei wuxian's blinding smiles and honey dripping laughter feel like nightmares because lan wangji always wakes up.

And some days he just wishes to gauge his eyes out so he wouldn't have to witness the bliss of staring into wei wuxian's eyes that shine with the glow of a thousand stars only to open his eyes to the taunting darkness of his home.

Some days- and lan wangji hates himself just a little more on these days- he just wishes he wouldn't see the face of his beloved every night he closes his eyes and every morning that he opens them.

Until one day he doesn't.

It had been a typical day of waking up from a nightmare of yet again witnessing the demise of his soulmate, whole body shaking with the tremors of pain and cold sweat sliding down the sides of his face. And the only way to calm down was to picture the smiling face of wei wuxian to remind himself that his shoulders shook with mirth once and not always trembled with grief.

Only to realise he couldn't.

Lan wangji tried and tried and tried until an hour passed and he hadn't gotten out of bed. He tried till his eyes were hurting from the pain of having been shut so tightly and his balled fists were shaking in frustration.