𝐂𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐃 || 𝐁𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐞 𝐄𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐀𝐔

Chapter Twenty-One

Billie
I gently stroked Elles hair as she slept in my arms. As she slept I gently took her arm scanning over the gauze she had wrapped around it.

I had to admit I was a little mad that she started this shit up again. She was so close to being a month clean but I guess everything got to her and she just broke.

Though I also had to admit I loved holding her like this. When she was most vulnerable. It probably sounded bad but it made me feel like I was her...protector in a way. Like a little safety blanket for her. And if I could thats all I ever wanted to be.

The tender moment was then ruined when she jolted up out of her sleep with a cry.

"No!"

She frantically looked around the room in fright. I gently grabbed her shoulders to try and calm her down.

"Hey hey look at me, look at me, it's okay. You're okay, you're safe."

"No no, he was here! He was here, he was!"

By 'he' I can only assume she meant Tyler. God what did he do to her? I didn't even wanna imagine.

She started hyperventilating and I knew she was on the verge of a panic attack so I gently placed my hands on her face forcing her to look at me and only me.
"No, no, no one was here, look at me mama. It's only me here okay? He's not here, he can't hurt you, I promise. Breathe mama."

I wiped away her tears as she tried to calm down. Taking deep breaths.

"That's it, there you go."

After about a minute her breathing evened out and she placed a shaky hand on her forehead. Taking in one final deep breath and blowing it out slowly.

"Sorry." She whispered.

"Don't be sorry mama. It's alright. Was that a nightmare?"

"Um it was more of a flashback." She explained, shaking out her wrists.

"Oh. Do you think you can you tell me about it? Just a little bit?"

"Uhh well it was just a flashback of...him just...yelling and...no I'm sorry I can't. I can't talk about it yet I just-"

"Okay, okay shh it's alright. You don't have to until you're ready. Here why don't we get this cleaned up? Hm?"

I pointed to her bandage and she lightly nodded her head. I took her into her bathroom and with her okay I carefully undid her bandage and the sight made me want to cringe and cry at the same time. 

"Jesus Christ, Elle." I spoke under my breath.

"I know, I'm sorry."

I sighed deeply, bringing her wrist up to my lips to leave a gentle kiss to the incoming scars before running my fingertips over them.
The action made her tear up.

"You gotta stop this Elle."

"I know. It's just every time I seem close to stopping it's like something comes up and it just breaks me."

"I understand mama, but listen if you ever feel like doing this again please, please call me. Okay, I don't care what time it is, or where you're at or where I'm at. I don't care, just call me okay? Please."

"But I don't wanna put that burden on you."

I braved an annoyed sigh which was probably wasn't the best thing, but I couldn't help it.
"Mama you wouldn't be a burden. Please get that in your head, okay I want to be there for you. I want to help you, I-I want to do all these things for you Elle. If you would just let me and not shut me out every time."