Regulus Black and The Elemental Trials

Chapter 11 - Road to Recovery and Self-Discovery

"Do you feel like a monster?" Regulus questioned.

The task had long since passed. The weather grew warmer as March came to an end.

Regulus hadn't spoken to James or Sirius since the task- or really anyone for that matter.

Remus sighed taking a seat beside Regulus as he leaned against the large tree.

"Well I am a.... you know." Remus explained.

"But do you feel like a monster?" Regulus emphasized as he looked over at the sandy-haired boy.

Remus didn't know what to say as he looked out over the Black Lake.

"I don't feel like a monster, but I know I am one. I'm a Black, we're all.... monsters- that's how we were born and raised. I'm told- constantly- that I am a monster and eventually it just sticks and suddenly I can't escape it", Regulus muttered softly, "Everywhere I turn I start seeing myself as this monster and I can't-I don't know how to find myself."

There was another pause before the boy started again.

"I'm lost in the contradicting expectations of everyone else and I feel like I'm... drowning." Regulus mumbled.

"I know I won't ever truly understand you're suffering, but I just- you've been told all your life that you're a monster, how do you not succumb to the label?" Regulus asked as he looked towards Remus again.

Remus sighed, "It's hard, I guess. You really have to decide for yourself what you think the best version of you is, not what others think. Just know you can be whatever you want, Regulus."

Regulus nodded looking back out into the distance.

"Being who you are doesnt make you a monster, it's how you deal with the monster." Remus explained.

"Thanks." Regulus said with a small smile.

"You are way smarter than you give yourself credit for, you just needed a little clarification is all." Remus assured.

The pair sat in peaceful silence for awhile longer.

"How is he?" Regulus questioned hesitantly.

"Which one?" Remus asked.

Regulus shrugged, "Both."

"Sirius pretends he's fine, but I think he feels betrayed most of all. He can pretend he doesn't miss James, but he does", Remus explained, "James is- well- he's falling apart. He lost his boyfriend and best friend in the same day and he's really just having a hard time dealing with the fact that for once he can't make everyone happy."

Regulus was silent, he'd been a pile of hurt after James had left, but after all this time it hurt worse to be away from the boy.

"He misses you so much" Remus muttered with a frown.

"I'm not saying what he did was right, but you should talk to him. I mean is it really worth ending what you have, over a rash decision James made while he wasn't in the right state of mind?" Remus quizzed.

"He made his choice. He chose Sirius." Regulus mumbled, pulling his knees to his chest.

"I don't think he knew what he was doing. You really should talk to him, he loves you so much", Remus explained, "They both do."

Regulus didn't know how to feel, it was hard- being alone. Regulus had grown used to the constant company and now being alone was almost unbearable.

Remus was right, Regulus had to fix things- because he didn't want to live his life alone and miserable anymore.