hana beauty

charter 2

I don’t think i told you my name, it's hoshi, sorry I should have told you that earlier.” she says bowing a little whale apologizing. “Oh it’s fine mine’s lee '' I lift the box for her after we put everything back in the box. I take it to her room and help her unpack. Every once in a while I'll take a peek at her short black hair.  It’s so pretty and fluffy unlike mine. I look back down to the floor when I hear a  chuckle from her to let me know she saw me looking. Whatever it'll be fine. 

She doesn't treat me like the others. She’s nicer and has more patients. She’s smarter than me in math but isn’t good with writing. She does a lot of drawing in her free time and is up a lot at night. I don't know why and I'm too scared to ask. She looks scared every time she goes to places and there’s big groups of people. She’s lucky she can avoid them because she’s so short i can’t … and i hate it.  

Her eye’s shine in the light and have this glow when she’s happy. Thinking back on her first day here i mently want to kick myself for how i behaved i was so shy and then had no filter. I should learn when to keep my mouth shut and not say such things. 

As i thought that i started to shake and remember the girls locker room. “Why do they make us all change in here , what if someone watches us change.” “yeah you never know when a lesbain is in here. What if they have a crush on one of us.” “yeah that’s just wired.” “WHO SAID I’LL LIKE ANY OF YOU ANYWAY” i meantly slap myself as i pick up my bag and leave the room since i just finished changing to my gear right before i yelled. 

As I walked out of the room I could feel my teammates eye’s following me and I started to walk faster, acting like I would die if I didn't get out of that door. As soon as I'm out of the room I run out to the tree next to the gym and sit next to it trying to calm down. I only had one friend on the team since it was a girls team. I wasn’t really worried about what they thought. I didn't like being around any of them anyway. I just was trying to stop my anger from bubbling over again. I punched the tree trying to calm down but I couldn't. I wanted to yell but i knew if i did someone would hear. So I didn't. I punched it again but this time I didn't hit the tree but I felt a hand around my fist. 

I looked around to see who’s hand and met eye’s with my only friend on the team. She hugged me and the anger was gone. Most of the team didn’t care and the ones who did were all 7th graders and most of them didn’t even join the team or make the cut next year so i didn’t have to deal with them. I hated the locker rooms. I always sat in the corner and faced the wall unless someone was saying something to me. Once the flashed back stopped I found myself on the floor crying a little. 

Me and my stupid big mouth. Why did I have to be so bad at speaking to people? I wipe my tears and grab a writing journal I've had since high school and start writing.

Title maybe love

Maybe someone could love what I can't seem to. Like the little dots on my skin or the way I look up to the moon and smile. Or how i can sit and read hours on end. Maybe someone could come and read over my shoulder or look forward to the night to see me smile at the light’s in the sky. Maybe someone can be the one.

As i finished writing i put the journal on the nightstand next to my bed that i never use. And go back to talking to my sister “sorry i got emocional for a minute what was I telling you about again” i hear a light chuckle and say “hey you still make fun of me even when you're not even here” to the light in the sky. 
 
“Turn around would you idiot.” I slowly turn to see my roommate with one earbud in and she smiles. “Did you need something? Why are you in my room?” “i wanted to know if you wanted to watch a movie with me but i can see your bizzy”
“Whaa shh come in i'll put something on.” she sits on my bed as I grab the remote and go to netflixs. I put on a series which I've loved watching since I was in middle school. I emedley look to Hoshi to see if she’s okay with what I picked and she just rolls her eyes and laughs at the gesture. I took that as “we can watch this” and pushed play. One of my confort charters is Catra from the way she was treated so poorly and just wanted one person to love her. 

If hanahaki was a real thing for them she would have probably died halfway through the first season. I can’t help but blush when i realized why i liked Hoshi's hair so much because she had the same haircut as catra. Ah why now why did i just have to realize that now. But it’s so pretty on her it fits her well i guess. Nope no stop you can’t fall in love not now not ever then i will definitely be able to see my sister.  Eh that doesn't sound so bad. Ah no stop that’s bad. Ugh, I need to sleep. I fall asleep at the window after three episodes and wake up to hoshi a sleep on my bed and the show is still playing. I turn it off and see her sketchbook and some drawing pencils on my bed so I pick it up  and put them on my night stand making sure not to look at them because it’s rude to look at that type of stuff if they didn’t want someone to see it.

Loves dumb, i need to rember that but why is that so hard to rember now that i met her. “Night sis” I say before closing the curtains and laying back down to fall asleep for maybe another hour or so.

I wake up around 3 am and grab my jurnal again and start writing

Title warriors

We are warriors. Warriors of the heart. But even warriors in armor can end up getting killed by a single flaw. As his heel shall lead, he falls to his knees dead. He waited for a boy who realized too late what he needed. And fled.

As i close the journal i feel myself slowly slipping between conscious and unconscious till i let sleep take over me.