i missed you.
i missed you for a long time.
we all did, with no rhyme,
with desperate reason.
we clung to your memory,
grieving your departure,
our hearts draped in black
and our faces stained.
we missed you with fire,
destructively - we could
never imagine a life
where we never felt that
endless, soundless ache.
and yet, here we are:
there's no more gaps to fill.
there's no unwritten future,
or, at least, not one that
we're really scared of.
the laughter is loud enough.
the tears are less, too.
and memories are not blue,
but yellowed, precious.
the space you left behind
waved us goodbye,
and we did not grab it
and beg that it stay.
no, we waved too,
hearts heavy but calm.
i feel my heart now,
and it is not a weight,
but a gentle reminder
(like a friend who i have
not seen in a long time,
but i know is always there)
that i am still here,
and you are still there,
and perhaps we cannot
exist together as before,
but we still exist, right?
we're still alive.
it's easier now. i know
it will get easier.
there is no urgency
when i think of you,
and moving on from
whatever we went through
doesn't seem so cruel.
because one day,
i will move on from you,
and look back with
fond eyes, not regret.
tell me, why not now?
postponing inevitability
is a futile gesture.
i still love you, my friend,
but will not spend my life
desperate to be with you.
you would not be proud
of us if we still grieved.
let's take our separate paths,
and hope we may meet again.
i hope you understand me.
it's strange, but,
i think i can say it now:
i don't miss you anymore.
