flicker of hope [ziall]

18~susie

The next week was similar to the last. The main difference was that ever since the busker got a haircut, the amount of people who stop to listen to him have increased. Tells you a lot about society. But I also find it harder for myself not to compare him to Niall nowadays. I know he doesn't remember anything, but I've got to ask if he maybe recognizes the last name Horan. Something's not right and it's freaking me out a bit. I keep finding myself staring at the busker, just as I would Niall. I always scold myself for it.

A bunch of girls have actually started flirting with him too. I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me feel a bit jealous. I mostly push those thoughts away. It's kind of funny though because a girl will ask for his number or social media or something, but every time the busker will say he doesn't have a phone. And while he's completely telling the truth, every girl thinks he's just rejecting them and they get sad and leave.

Harry actually came with me to see him in the park yesterday. Harry said that he wanted "to see Richard in his element."

Today, however, it was snowing rather hard so I didn't go visit him. I doubt he'd be playing in a storm like this anyways. It doesn't usually snow like this around here. Maybe it's climate change or somewhat.

My brain greatly missed the distraction of the busker though. My mind couldn't help but wander back to Niall's death. I kept replaying it over and over, fantasizing different scenarios in my head. I honestly still can't believe Carl got in the hotel in the first place. We were supposed to have tight security around the hotel ever since Niall was kidnapped in the first place. But clearly that was all just a facade if Carl was able to just walk straight up into Niall's room. I still should have been able to stop it though. I still don't understand how the gun got Niall, but I should have been more careful. While the whole incident wasn't completely my fault, I know that it's at least 60% my fault. Niall would still be here if I wasn't so stupid.

I didn't notice it at the time, but a steady flow of tears were falling down my face as I laid in bed and thought about it all. I had also made the fatal mistake of not locking my door and so obviously Louis Tomlinson had to waltz in.

"Zayn, guess what came in the mail today!" Louis called loudly from the hallway. I quickly jumped up at his voice and tried to make myself presentable, but it was no use. Louis came in only seconds later.

"Oh Zayn" Louis sighed as he caught sight of me. He had a brand new tattoo gun in his hand, but he just placed it on my dresser and walked over to pull me into a hug. But for some reason, that only made me cry harder. I buried my face into Louis's shoulder to muffle my tears.

"It'll be okay. It wasn't your fault" Louis whispered softly into my ear. He continued to just hold me until my tears began to cease.

"Thanks Louis" I mumbled. I finally pulled my face away from his chest and rubbed any remaining tears from my eyes. I walked over towards my window to look at the weather. This isn't the first time Louis had to comfort me. Especially in the first few months, I had frequent breakdowns. I've comforted Louis in return though. We also had our fair share of crying and eating ben and jerries' together.

"It's really coming down out there today isn't it" Louis said, snapping me out of my daze. "Haven't ever seen a storm like this in London"

"Yeah, s'weird" I added. "Anyways, what new tattoo are you thinking of?"

Louis excitedly went into detail about some kind of cartoon badger he wanted. But he said he'd wait until the tattoo parlor for that one. However, he also mentioned how he wanted me to do some kind of tattoo in memory of Niall. He said he'd like something like a guitar, an irish flag, or the words 'crazy mofos.' I had honestly never thought of getting a tattoo for Niall. I had gotten at least a dozen more tattoos since his death, but not one was related to Niall. I almost felt stupid for not thinking of that.