Can't You Feel It? - A Hamlaf Fanfiction

Epilogue

There are talks of sexual assault in this chapter, but it isn't necessary to read so if that triggers you, you can just skip it and consider this book done. If you want to read the rest of the chapter without the rape talk, I'll put an a/n where it starts and where it ends and make the whole thing in italics. Or I can publish another version of this chapter with that bit cut out. Comment if you want that.

TW: Discussions of rape

It had been a month since he first started dating Alex, and Laf was meeting up with James Hamilton for the first time since then. Alex came with him but waited in the car. He kissed Laf sweetly before he got out of the car.

"It's gonna be fine," he told his boyfriend soothingly. "I'm right here if you need to come back and I promise that I won't let my brother so much as touch you, so if he tries just come get me or text me and I'll be there."

Laf shot his boyfriend a quick smile and opened the door. "I will," he promised. "See you in an hour."

Opening his book, Alex smiled and confirmed, "See you in an hour."

Taking a deep breath, Laf slammed the door shut. He walked into the cafe and saw his ex-boyfriend straight away. James smiled and waved him over.

"Laf!" he greeted the timid boy cheerfully. "It's good to see you again! Come, sit down." Laf pulled out the chair at the opposite side of the table and took a seat.

James grinned at him. "Now, I went ahead and ordered an iced caramel latte for you, is that okay? It's just that it was your favorite and-" 

"Please, just stop," Laf requested. "It was nice of you to order my favorite drink, but right now small talk and pleasantries are not what I am here for."

James' face fell, but he nodded meekly. "I understand," he murmured.

Not seeing any point in beating around the bush, Laf asked, "Why did you abuse me?" 

Sighing heavily, James ran a hand through his hair. "I'm assuming Alex told you about Nevis?" he checked.

When Laf nodded, he continued, "Well, my dad was, well, he was my idol when I was small. I thought he could do no wrong. I adored him."

He scoffed and took a deep breath. "When I saw how he treated Alex and our mom, I assumed that was how you showed people you loved them. For a really long time, I felt really hurt that he apparently didn't love me.

"When he left, I decided that I would continue what he'd begun with Alex. I didn't want to hurt our mom, but he was small and so easy to break-" he cut himself off. 

"Anyway, when our mom died it just left me with more access to him. We moved in with our cousin, but he was a self-absorbed suicidal little prick who was barely around, so it didn't really matter to me.

The sexual assault talk starts now. 

"My teachers didn't do sex ed very well with my class," he breathed out a breathy laugh. "They told us about it all, but they called it 'making love' and failed to mention that consent was an important thing-"

Laf interrupted. "What does sexual education have to do with Nevis?" he asked. 

Face paling, James asked, "You don't know? I mean, well, you'll figure it out soon enough if I continue. May I?"

Once Laf nodded, James continued, "So yeah. They didn't tell us that consent was needed. So, being the idiot  I was thought that sex would be a good way to show Alex that I loved him. He was always so much smarter than me. He spent the whole time screaming about how wrong it was but I ignored him and..."

He tailed off, not bothering to finish his sentence. Laf was pale and took a tentative sip from his iced coffee. "You didn't know," he murmured. "It sounds like your teachers explained everything to you in a very dumb way."

James laughed harshly. "It wasn't just them, Laf! I watched porn to try and get an idea of how it worked, and in none of the videos I watched did any of them ask for consent," he told him. "So I assumed it was fine."

The sexual assault talk is over.

Laf reached across the table and gently touched his ex's hand. "It wasn't your fault. Yes, you were in the wrong, but no one explained why it was wrong to you, how were you meant to know?" he asked gently.

Choking back a sob James smiled awkwardly. "Thank you, but please don't defend my actions to me. My therapist says that I need to own up to and accept my past mistakes to move past them," he explained. 

"Your therapist?" Laf asked, surprised. 

James nodded. "Yeah, the Washingtons are paying for a private therapist for me. I go to individual sessions twice a week and then me and Alex go together once a month," he explained. "It was Alex's idea. He didn't tell you?"

Laf shook his head silently as his heart swelled at the selflessness of his boyfriend. "No, he didn't, but I'm happy for you. No offense, but you needed it," he said sincerely.

"None taken," James laughed. "Anyway, that's our hour up. If you'd like, we could do this again? If you'd rather just stick to texting being our only contact for now, then I totally understand-"

Laf cut him off by leaning across the table and capturing the man in a hug. "I'd like that," he whispered. "I'll text you?" he said louder as he stood up, picking up his latte and sipping it nonchalantly. 

James nodded happily, a smile spreading over his face. "I'd like that," he repeated. "See you again sometime?"

"See you again sometime," Laf nodded. 

~

And finished! This has taken like a year to be completed and it's only ten chapters, but oh well.

In case anyone's concerned, I don't think that abuse victims should forgive their abusers, especially not as quickly as Lafayette does. 

Also, abuse of any kind is really fucking bad and if someone is abusing you, or you suspect someone close to you is being abused, please get some help/help them.