Tell Me Everything

Epilogue

"Tea?" Louis asks. He's not sure how to approach the conversation he's been dying to have for the past few months. Almost a year. Now that it's here, he feels frozen.

"Please," Harry says quietly. Louis pours his tea and leads him to the couch to sit.

He looks...clean? Louis can't think of a word that fits. He's marked viciously, it's obvious. But he's put on a too-big jumper to hide his arms and parts of his throat. His hair is still damp from his shower and Louis' so close he can see the little drops of water hanging on his eyelashes. Tears or from the shower, Louis can't be sure. He looks soft in his fuzzy socks and plaid pajama pants. Behind the bruises, he just looks like Harry. He's just Louis' Harry.

"I'm not going to judge you," Louis finally says after what feels like hours of silence. "I'm just listening,"

Harry swallows heavily and puts his tea down on the coffee table, pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them, setting his chin on his knees.

He takes a deep breath. "You were right. Obviously," he starts.

"I thought at first that it would all go away. The first time he... the first time he hit me, I thought it was my fault. I pissed him off because I was complaining that I wanted to go home and spend time with you. For your birthday,"

"He hit me in the face, that's why my lip was cut. He just kept going, I didn't have a chance, he's bigger than me and I wouldn't know what to do even if I could. I begged him to stop, I was crying like a child and trying to get away, I was backed into a corner in his room. I felt so trapped. He wouldn't stop. When I started bleeding all over my face he stopped,"

"What- um what about your throat," Louis stutters out. Harry grimaces and looks away.
"I don't think I can talk to you about this and look at you," Harry says.

"Come here then," Louis says carefully. He gently grabs Harry's arm and pulls him, so his back is to Louis' chest and he's sitting between Louis' legs, Louis can't see his face unless Harry wants him to. "Is this okay?"

Harry nods and cuddles closer. "They are from sex...mostly. I didn't lie about that," Harry starts, and Louis feels his heart drop to his feet and his blood run cold.

"It started out just as something he wanted to try, I said fine but I wasn't comfortable with it. Deep down I guess I knew I couldn't trust him. He never stopped when I asked him to. I got scared and he got angry and would just do it harder. I couldn't breathe and I felt like I was going to die being pushed down onto his mattress or the floor or the wall and I just had to take it," Harry's voice gets wobbly, and Louis holds him closer.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Louis' own voice wavering.

"He did it outside of sex too. When I'd really make him mad, when I pushed too far, he'd grab me by my throat and push me against the wall. That's when they were higher up, you noticed when they looked different,"

"What did you fight about?" Louis asks willing tears to stay put in his eyes.

"You,"

Louis watches the tears roll down into Harry's hair. "Me?"

"For years, I've been trying to make you love me. Everything I tried to do just pushed you further away from me,"

"I don't understand. You asked me that night if I loved you and-"

"I felt broken and irreparable. There you were cleaning blood off me, I knew you loved me, but I also knew it wasn't the way I wanted you to love me. Peter knew I loved you. He made sure I knew that you were unattainable. I wanted you so bad. Even just for one more night. That's why I kept trying to get you to sleep with me. I just wanted a little bit more before I had to go back to hell with him,"