You found me | Bughead

24: Few things you should know

Few days and then my nights alone comes to an end. He is my man. He is mine again. I have been re-organizising my clothes and other stuff so Jug could have some space his stuff too. I found my old library card on my wallet, I visited there. Jug has been writing, so we haven't had so much time together this morning. Maybe it's a good thing, couple days and then we are stuck with each others. I took a run and at afternoon, Vee came.

We talked about their wedding mostly. It was very nice easy chatting until.. "So Bee, what's coming next to you guys? Like real? Have you talked? Are you moving together in DC? Or are you even going back work? Then you could come to NY too, it would be fun!" she is speaking too much and too fast. "We haven't talked about anything yet. Why'd you think I'm not going back to work?" I'm nervous. About our future and what will it be. But also what Vee just said. About my job. "If you haven't worked for six months and you have those nightmares, I thought maybe you don't wanna work with Feds anymore. I'm sorry, I assumed," she says but fuck, how did she knew. Really... Jug?

"What the fuck, have you guys talked behind my back? That's nice. Very nice. Shit. How could you? I can't deal with this now. Vee you have to go," I yell to her and trying to take deep breathes for me. Tears fill my eyes. "What the hell Bee, I didn't mean.." she starts but I can't listen. I need to sit and breathe. I'm mad and I don't wanna hear her. "Vee go. Now. Please." I sobb. She looks stunned but she knows me. She doesn't push when it comes these kind of things. So she goes. And I'm alone again, crying, sobbing, breathing, feeling angry and sad. Why Jug? Fuck.

. . . . .

I have been writing this whole day. Yesterday was perfect and it gave me so much ideas and motivation to write. I haven't heard anything from Betty. I try to call her but she doesn't answer. Maybe Ronnie is still there.

After couple of hours I try to call her again. First she doesn't answer. I try again. She ignores me. Now I don't get this. One more. And she ignores me. What's going on? Is she having second thoughts about us moving together to her place?

J: So what's wrong? You need to tell me, use your words. We promised. No hiding.
B: Just. Leave me alone. I don't wanna do this now. Not tonight.

After that I didn't slept well. In the morning I called her again. I remembered she had session with her therapist between nine and ten. After that was time to solve this. I grabbed two cups of coffee with me and knocked her door. She didn't answer. But I wasn't ready for another day of silent treatment again, so I kept knocking. After ten minutes Kevin and Fangs opened their door and I told them the case. They wished me luck and Kevin promised to text Betty. Five more minutes and she opened the door.

"You just can't abandon me?" she says annoid, takes the coffee which is almost cold and doesn't even look at me. "What the hell happened Betty? You know you can't do this! I was  a g a i n worried about you, and it's not the best feeling!" I'm getting annoid too. I worry her all the time and she does shit like this. "You are worried? So worried you have to talk behind my back and tell all my private things to someone I really doesn't even know anymore! You knew I was hurt and not okay, and still you decided these things are something you can share with others! You saw how my body reacts, when I'm feeling those things and you decided you still can be the one who tells, not me, not in my own time when I'm ready!" she cries and yells at me. Shit Ronnie. But. I should have told Betty about our conversation.

"Betts I'm sorry. It was when you ran away from Elm Street, I was so worried and didn't know anything what's going on!" I try to explain but she doesn't wanna listen. "You said you love me and still wanted to gossip with Veronica about my sad life. You wanted to solve the problem with her without hearing me. You must have been disappointed when she didin't know a thing!" she goes on.

"You know what. I love you and that's why I talked with Ronnie. When you love someone you do whatever you can to help her. But fuck you for doing this to me. Pushing me away. You just can't let me in. So I'll help you. I go," I don't want to argue with her and I can't take this shit. She doesn't wanna hear me out. I wanted to help her, but fuck. "When you want actually talk and think about the fact why I told Ronnie, then find me. I love you. But I go now," I say and then, I really left.

. . . . .

Two hours ago Jug left. I made him go. It was my fault. I didn't listen him. I didn't want to hear his reasons. It just felt like a betray. I was starting to trust my mess to one person, and he was already talking to the others. I have thought this now for these few hours and I think I get it. Why he was doing that. I'm just not use to it, people caring about me. Trying to do something for me. It just felt obvious that he was doing all that for him. But I guess I was wrong. I acted like shit. I don't even know if he forgives me that..

I tried to call him twice, no answer. I texted him twice, no answer. Then I called Vee and apologized. I promised to tell everything later, but now I need to find Jug. Vee didn't know anything. I checked FP and then Kevin. Finally. Fangs knew. And I should have guessed it too. I texted him again.

B: Jug. Stop. I'm coming to take you home.
J: I don't have a home.
B: Yes u do. With me. I'm your home. Just stop drinking.

He didn't answer anymore. I ran. I came to the Wyrm, took his hand on mine and we left. At first there was only silence. We took a long road, to sober him up. I talked, he listened, and I think he understood my point, why I was upset. He didn't do anything wrong. I said that to him like thousands of times. I overreacted. He forgave me.  Of course he did. It's him. But he was drunk. And that bothered me a little. Maybe it helped him a bit, our walk, but I couldn't understand why he drank, like that much, on this day.

"Jug. Your drinking. Is it much more than you have told?" I ask quietly and place my hand on his shoulder. I turn him face to face, placing my hand on his cheek. "Y-yeah. Betts. This is my nature. My heritage. I do this. When I have a problem, I drink it away," he admits with a drunken voice and looks down. "Betty. I haven't had a day without alcohol like two years. Not before I came here and met you again," he tells.

"Oh Juggie, why didn't you tell me? You have been there for me. I could be there for you. I would have. Sooner. If I'd have known," I say and tears fill my eyes. This is my fault too. I did this to him. He didn't deserve this problem. He doesn't say anything. "Jug we do this together. I'm with you. I'm your person. You don't need to be drunk anymore, you can talk things out," I wrap my arms around his torso, my hands on his back. "Betts, I'm a mess too," Jug says and I hear he is so broken, his voice is thick like he is almost in tears. "I don't care. We fix us. Together," I say.

After that we kept going in silence. We walk to my place and lay down on bed. It's a nap time for us even the clock is already at six.

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