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"I just...I just don't understand any of this. I don't know why my moms mad at you, I don't know why she's so protective all of the sudden, and I don't know what the fuck I did to make Jiwon hate me." Jungwoo rambled as he walked the length of Doyoung's bedroom floor for the hundredth time. "So now I have to be paranoid she's going to spread rumors about us at school and that my mom might come and strangle you in your sleep."
Doyoung winced at the grotesque image of Mrs Kim sneaking into his house just to smother him with a pillow in the middle of the night. "You shouldn't be paranoid about anything, darlin. I already told you that everything is going to be fine." There was still an unsure look on the younger's face as he listened. "Hey, even if everything does fall apart, we can run away together. Do you know how hot that would be?"
"Yes because homelessness is a big turn on," Jungwoo deadpanned. After taking one final lap around the room, he threw himself onto the bed, letting his face pressing into the soft comforter.
Wordlessly, Doyoung turned around on the bed and flipped his boyfriend over so he could look at the boy. When he was done staring at him like a creep, doyoung leaned down and gently captured Jungwoo's lips in a kiss.
There wasn't an ounce of sexual intent put forth by Doyoung, but apparently his boyfriend had other plans. The younger pressed their lips together tightly as he let out a small moan—which was mostly just for theatrics—but it still got Doyoung's attention. Pulling away skeptically, he narrowed his eyes at the boy, "Why are you acting like this?"
"Doyoung," he said sweetly before pressing feather light kisses to the exposed skin of the elders neck, "I want to do it."
"I don't think you're ready If you can't even say the word sex, darlin." He tried to push the boy away from him, but Jungwoo wouldn't budge. "C'mon, you know you don't actually want to. Let's just cuddle or something, I can read to you."
A small sigh fell from the boys lips, "I'm being serious. I'm ready."
Reaching forward to hold the side of his face, Doyoung send the younger a soft smile. "We have to work up to that, Jungwoo. If you really think you're ready then just let me fing—"
"Shut up!" Jungwoo hissed as he slapped a hand over Doyoung's mouth, his cheeks bright red, "We can just stop talking about it."
After peeling Jungwoo's hand off of his mouth and intertwining their fingers, Doyoung continued. "Let me be serious for a minute. I'm not against us working up to having s—doing it. But I just want you to realize that your body being ready for something doesn't make your mind ready. It's okay if you need time."
The elder turned to look at a car out the window and looked back to see Jungwoo's in tears. "W—What if it doesn't go right?"
"Hey," he whispered, letting out a small laugh at how much his attitude changed regarding the situation, "It might not, and that's perfectly fine. We've never had sex before so I'd never expect it to go perfectly, yeah?"
"C—Can you not say that word please?" The boy sniffled as he wiped away his tears.
"Ok I'm sorry. We've never done it."
He nodded, "thank you."
"Can I ask you something and use a word?" Doyoung asked gently before reaching forward only pull jungwoo down to lay on his chest. The boy let out a small hum of approval. "I know you don't like skipping school, but that's the only time both my moms will be at work and my sister at daycare. How about we skip tomorrow and you just let me try fingering you. I'll walk you through every step, but if we get here and you don't want to, we can watch some movies instead."
The younger cringed at the word Doyoung used, not liking how dirty it sounded. "You promise to help me with everything?"
"I promise."
"Okay..." the younger whispered, "We can try, but I can't say I won't back out."
Doyoung kissed the top of Jungwoo's head and smiled down at the boy, "i would rather have you back out than do something you don't want to."
"Doyoung I l...like you a lot." No matter how hard he tried, the word love clung to the inside of his throat. He could never get his mouth to form the right letters, they were stuck. He knew Doyoung felt the same way, he was sure because of the conversation they had on their date. Doyoung loved him, but was just waiting for him to finally work up the guts to say it first. And at this rate, Jungwoo wasn't sure if he was ever going to mutter that one little word.
Maybe the words held themselves back because even they knew saying it would make things serious. Things between them were already serious, but not in that way. Loving somebody was a step closer to lifelong commitment. When you love somebody, you give them everything, and that scared Jungwoo.
"I like you too," Doyoung replied, knowing deep down what the younger really wanted to say. He reached up to card his fingers through Jungwoo's soft hair. "Do you want to stay here tonight?"
A small sigh came out of Jungwoo as he pushed his face further into Doyoung's chest. "My mom doesn't want me to sleep at your house anymore."
"That's okay," he whispered, ignoring the deflated feeling that gave him. "I can take you home."
