Clause Two: Understanding and Insults

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Clause 2. A Nerd should always be able to understand what another Nerd is talking about when the speaking Nerd follows Section 1 Sub-Section 1 Clause 1 (see Clause 1 of Sub-Section 1 of Section 1). 

DEMONSTRATION OF CLAUSE 2: 

Suppose that there are two Non-Nerds. Their conversation may run as follows: 

“Hey, Nate, it’s me, Jim. How you doing, man?”

“I’m good, thanks Jim. Long time no see. What’s up?”

“Well, I just wanted to ask. What sections of the textbook is that stupid APUSH test on?”

“I’m pretty sure it’s on Chapters 14-15. The stuff with that van Buren dude. I’m not sure, though. Check with someone else.”

“Who?”

“What about that nerdy annoying jerk? The guy named Drake or something. He’s such a nerd--he would know.”

“Ugh. I am so not talking to that guy. He’ll probably lecture me for two hours on how I should be more responsible or something. That annoying nerd sounds like a teacher. I’m not asking him anything.”

“Whatever then. Hey, by the way, I just found this great new rap artist....”

[PROCEEDS TO TALK ABOUT RAP MUSIC FOR TWENTY MINUTES]

Now, on the other hand, let us postulate that these two boys were Nerds. In that case there conversation would be closer to the following transcript, and both Nerds would understand each other. 

“Greetings and salutations, my good human friend Nathaniel, although you would perhaps prefer Nate. It is I, the latter half of our friendship, James, more commonly known by the name of Jim. How does your life fare at the current position within the continuum of space-time?”

“Much time has passed since I last observed you with my ocular implements and conversed with you using my other exterior organs. The current trajectory of lifetime through the space-time continuum is as precise and accurate as a German train schedule, therefore I am doing well. Why do you approach me at this position in space-time? What may be the issue, matter, problem, concern, question, cause, or reason behind this?”

“Yours truly possesses a concern upon which I have the desire to question you about. And that matter would be, that I desire to check, double-check, and make sure with another student within my classroom that I am knowledgeable about the contents of the next day’s Advanced Placement United States History examination. Would I be correct in stating that the examination shall contain material from the Chapters 14 and 15?”

“I do firmly believe that you would be stating a fact when you say that, and would like to state that those chapters deal with the Eighth President of the United States, President Martin van Buren. Why do you not check with another third party?”

“Do you have a suggestion as to whom I should deliver my inquiry?”

“I would propose that it would not be disagreeable to deliver your inquiry to Drake.”

“He is a half-witted, idiotic, irresponsible student, and I shall not ask him for assistance, aid, or help in any way, shape, or form.” 

“Alright then, would you object to a brief conversation, discussion, or debate upon the topic of the macroeconomic ideas of John Maynard Keynes versus those of Friedrich Hayek?”

“That would not be disagreeable. Au contraire, I would enjoy that particular, specific conversation immensely.”

[PROCEEDS TO DISCUSS THE SUPERIORITY OF KEYNESIAN ECONOMICS OVER THE IDEAS OF HAYEK FOR TWO HOURS]

As demonstrated, Nerds must follow the rules set forth in Clause 1, and also be able to understand another Nerd’s words. 

NOTE: Because of Clause 1 of Sub-Section 1 of Section 1, even insults must be given and received in complicated, historic, literary, scientific, etc. context. 

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “Thou cur!”

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “You are about as sensible as the quixotic Don Quixote!”

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “I bite my thumb at thee!”

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “You are a futile pestilential eejit!”

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “May the great spirit of Albert Einstein blow up your mind with his atomic equations so that you may never understand relativity again!”

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “You are talking nonsensically, and the content of your speech can be metaphorically related to the feces and dung of an intact (not castrated) male bovine Bos primigenius taurus, of the Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Mammalia, Subclass Theria, Infraclass Eutheria, Order Artiodactyla, Family Bovidae, Subfamily Bovidae, Genus Bos, Species Bos primigenius, Subspecies Bos primigenius taurus!” 

EXAMPLE TO NOTE: “Do not talk out loud. You lower the I.Q. of the whole street.” (Quote from Season 1, Episode 1 of BBC Sherlock)

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