Patterns of Parting Ways

1 | Ivy

"Hey are you there?" I say sat in an alleyway a few houses from James', the phone pressed to my ear and hands shoved tightly into my coat pockets.

The floor is damp, and a slight breeze plays with the ends of my hair.

I'm greeted by silence for a moment, followed with a small sigh, which makes evident James' ever growing annoyance. "Yes. I'm here."

I smile. But it's not convincing, I know we're ending. The wind is stronger now, stinging at my ears. "Great how are-"

"Ivy." James' soft voice cuts me off, and if it was anyone else but him, I would have been annoyed by the interruption.

I shake my head and it's happening again. My eyes start to sting and swell, and there's a lump growing hard in the back of my throat. And God this hurts. "Please don't do this, I need you James." I whisper, any louder and I might just fall apart.

"You don't." But we both know that that's a lie.

I need him. I didn't know I needed him until we first met and he showed me kindness and compassion behind imagination. I didn't realise I needed James, until he left. "Bullshit! You know I can't live without you James. I love you and I need you. Please!" And this is getting pathetic now, we both know that. But we both also know how honest and open I'm being right now, I do need him.

The line goes silent for a second, and I can imagine him piecing all the words together to break my heart. He would run a hand through his dark brown hair and aggressively rub the temples on his forehead. Like he did when we first ended a month ago, like James did when he first broke my heart.

The silence is killing me, and James must feel it too as he coughs into the microphone, "Where are you?" James says, and my stomach begins to bunch.

My heart warms with hope for a minute, despite the constant frosty breeze blowing down the alleyway. James wants to see me, maybe he'll want to work things out. Maybe he'll want to be Ivy and James again.

James should know where I am. I'm somewhere lost between James and me and there is so much unnecessary space between us. 'I'm where I normally am." And no more explanation is needed, James knows me all too well.

The phone call comes to an end and a few moments later he appears at the end of the alleyway. A few pieces of chestnut hair are blown into his eyes as he makes his way to me, his hands pushed deep into his puffer jacket's pockets.

I want him to hold me, to let him consume me in his arms. A soft half smile pulls at the ends of his lips as he stands across from me, but I can tell he's growing tired of this, of us. "Ivy, we can't keep doing this. You can't keep coming over here."

I know. I know it's the truth. My heart is no longer warm, the feeling has been replaced with a sharp stabbing pain. But the little voice in my head keeps telling me this is where I belong. This is where I need to be, with the person I'm meant to be with. "James, I don't want you to b-break my heart." And it's happening, I can feel it.

My heart sinks deeper into my chest and a few tears dare to fall down my cheek. His blue eyes begin to soften, which makes it all the more apparent that this was never his intention, he never meant to break my heart. "I didn't mean for this to happen. I care a lot about you."

I watch as his lips curve up slightly and I imagine how nice it would be if he was kissing me with those same lips. How nice it would be if James was holding me like he used to. I wish he would tell me he needs me too, and that this was all a mistake. I wish we could go back to being Ivy and James. Back to being in love.

James looks tired, I can tell by the way his shoulders are slouched forward and the evident purple under his eyes. The tiredness is etched to his bones. I think he's tired of me, us and our situation. A little bit of me is too.