December

Chapter One: Cry's and Crayons

I wish to go to the trees

no mommy no daddy just me

no more worries it'll be judgement free

a place where beauty isn't hard to see

I woke up to my mother yelling again. Which followed up by a knock at my door.
"Come in" I mumbled. My younger brother opened the door crying. Not much had to be said because his tears where loud enough. All I could do is tell him that it was going to get better, he believed me. I wish I could believe in myself like he believed in my statements. I always made sure he was my main priority, because i knew my parents wouldn't do the same. I learned quickly that family was nothing more than just a name. Just like I was nothing more than a broken condom.

My parents where never home, my mother worked in the morning and my father worked till night. They use to leave me and my brother with their friend so they can babysit us. There I learned my second life lesson. That I couldn't trust anyone, not even mommy and daddy's friend.

I remember waking up feeling icky. My five year old mind couldn't understand. The weird substance that reappeared on my body every morning. I didn't understand why he walked in on me changing so often. Or why he favored my brother and not me, why couldn't I get the attention he did? Why couldn't I be someone's favorite?

I woke up in my mothers bed, I wasn't allowed in her room. I felt gross like I always did when I woke up. So I went downstairs to get something to drink. Only to find out the door was blocked from the inside. I banged on the door but all I heard was laughing from the other side. Eventually I was let into my own kitchen and allowed to drink my juice. I still remember the green cup.

On my way back into my mothers room I decided to lock the door. I crawled up into the bed and laid there watching Jennifer's Body. Then I heard a knock at the door which followed by a rattling at the knob. I sat there watching as the dude on TVs blood got splattered. Hearing banging on the door which followed by intense rattling with the door knob. I was oddly happy, I felt like I won for the first time. A victory that would only last less than a night.

I remember begging my parents not too leave me with him. Unfortunately they couldn't read my pleading eyes because he continued until I was seven.

One day my grandma was getting me out the shower and i asked her if could keep a secret. She could always keep secrets. I finally opened up about what had happened to me. After that all I remember is glass screens and different people asking me the same questions. The last time I ever saw my abuser was in court. He won in every other game we'd play together so that day was first time I ever saw him lose in something. After that I became my own babysitter.